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A lot of the comments in this thread sound just like the advice well-meaning (but clueless) adults gave to bullied children when I was young: "Just ignore them,

A lot of the comments in this thread sound just like the advice well-meaning (but clueless) adults gave to bullied children when I was young: "Just ignore them, and they'll go away." Or: "You getting upset just encourages them. Smile and walk away". That advice didn't work back then, and blocking bullies on Facebook/Twitter/Snapchat/etc. doesn't work now.

Spellman 11y ago
One of the more perverse things I learned back in the day was exactly this. I even saw the school counselor and we worked on actively ignoring taunts. It didn't work. Later I realized it wasn't about a reaction, it was tribal posturing to others. It was about showing they were "in" and I was "out."
drumdance 11y ago
My dad always told me to punch bullies in the mouth, though I was too cowardly to do so.
- sheraz 11y ago
  This. This. This. Even if you lose a fight, bullies will think twice about going a second round with someone who actually fights back. It was a jungle when I was growing up. And it is a jungle today. It is unfortunate that zero-tolerance policies keep boys (and some girls) from working out their differences with a little fisticuffs. Now get off my lawn :-)
  - snerbles 11y ago
    I wasn't bullied precisely because I knocked the wind out of a spike-haired punk that started slapping me in the hall. School staff didn't intervene until he fled and I gave chase - that was an important lesson in self-control. With zero tolerance policies, often both parties get punished in an altercation. Even if the victim never hits back. So if you're getting punished for "fighting" while cowering in the corner, you might as well go down swinging.
  - aidenn0 11y ago
    It really depends. If you punch a bully in the mouth, they may go on to easier targets, but they also might retaliate later either by blindsiding you, or by outnumbering you.
  - avn2109 11y ago
    Preach. My gym teacher Mr. Burns, bless his heart, would famously settle any hint of a dispute by _requiring_ both parties to box three rounds. "Settle it in the ring, it's a civilized sport." This was genius because if you were big, it was considered extremely cowardly and unmanly to enter a dispute with someone smaller than you. If you did, your friends would make fun of you for picking a fight with no personal risk, since everybody knew that no matter what it would come to blows. There is neither honor nor glory in a cruiserweight battering a featherweight for six minutes, and everyone knew it. And little guys never picked fights either, for obvious reasons. In fact it ended up in practice that hardly anyone ever disagreed about anything if they were even approximately near Mr. Burns, and we all learned a bunch of very important lessons about character, civility, and how to stay on your feet after you get hit. If I ever have kids I will go to great lengths to have them grow up somewhere like that.
  - cortesoft 11y ago
    I know a few friends who got serious brain injuries from stupid fights. You get punched, knocked out, and you fall and hit your head on concrete... even minor fights can have lasting consequences.
    - deciplex 11y ago
      Yes, and some people commit suicide over bullying, who might have been saved had they been encouraged to fight back a bit and punch some asshole in the face. Physically fighting back does not make bullying okay, but it might be the best among a long list of bad alternatives.
      - Squarel 11y ago
        Unless the bully then brings his friends (and they usually have more "friends" than their targets) to have a go at the person who hit them. I was bullied to shit at school, all anonymously (pre-internet era)....urine soaked chocolates put through my front door, cans of drink emptied and refilled with urine, someone even fired an air rifle through my front door one weekend..not all bullying is "easily" solved by retaliating in kind, and punching someone will have fairly heavy consequences as an adult, so perhaps it is best to learn other ways of dealing with it..."But he started it" does not cut it if someone bullies you at work. (incidentally, I later found out that it was my "friends" who had been doing this)
    - sheraz 11y ago
      Life has lasting consequences. Bikes, skateboarding, and all the dumb shit kids do. A little blood never hurt. And I would not be the person I know and love today without some scars (both emotional and physical), head injuries , kitchen mishaps, etc.

Spellman 11y ago

One of the more perverse things I learned back in the day was exactly this. I even saw the school counselor and we worked on actively ignoring taunts. It didn't work. Later I realized it wasn't about a reaction, it was tribal posturing to others. It was about showing they were "in" and I was "out."

drumdance 11y ago

My dad always told me to punch bullies in the mouth, though I was too cowardly to do so.

sheraz 11y ago
This. This. This. Even if you lose a fight, bullies will think twice about going a second round with someone who actually fights back. It was a jungle when I was growing up. And it is a jungle today. It is unfortunate that zero-tolerance policies keep boys (and some girls) from working out their differences with a little fisticuffs. Now get off my lawn :-)
- snerbles 11y ago
  I wasn't bullied precisely because I knocked the wind out of a spike-haired punk that started slapping me in the hall. School staff didn't intervene until he fled and I gave chase - that was an important lesson in self-control. With zero tolerance policies, often both parties get punished in an altercation. Even if the victim never hits back. So if you're getting punished for "fighting" while cowering in the corner, you might as well go down swinging.
- aidenn0 11y ago
  It really depends. If you punch a bully in the mouth, they may go on to easier targets, but they also might retaliate later either by blindsiding you, or by outnumbering you.
- avn2109 11y ago
  Preach. My gym teacher Mr. Burns, bless his heart, would famously settle any hint of a dispute by _requiring_ both parties to box three rounds. "Settle it in the ring, it's a civilized sport." This was genius because if you were big, it was considered extremely cowardly and unmanly to enter a dispute with someone smaller than you. If you did, your friends would make fun of you for picking a fight with no personal risk, since everybody knew that no matter what it would come to blows. There is neither honor nor glory in a cruiserweight battering a featherweight for six minutes, and everyone knew it. And little guys never picked fights either, for obvious reasons. In fact it ended up in practice that hardly anyone ever disagreed about anything if they were even approximately near Mr. Burns, and we all learned a bunch of very important lessons about character, civility, and how to stay on your feet after you get hit. If I ever have kids I will go to great lengths to have them grow up somewhere like that.
- cortesoft 11y ago
  I know a few friends who got serious brain injuries from stupid fights. You get punched, knocked out, and you fall and hit your head on concrete... even minor fights can have lasting consequences.
  - deciplex 11y ago
    Yes, and some people commit suicide over bullying, who might have been saved had they been encouraged to fight back a bit and punch some asshole in the face. Physically fighting back does not make bullying okay, but it might be the best among a long list of bad alternatives.
    - Squarel 11y ago
      Unless the bully then brings his friends (and they usually have more "friends" than their targets) to have a go at the person who hit them. I was bullied to shit at school, all anonymously (pre-internet era)....urine soaked chocolates put through my front door, cans of drink emptied and refilled with urine, someone even fired an air rifle through my front door one weekend..not all bullying is "easily" solved by retaliating in kind, and punching someone will have fairly heavy consequences as an adult, so perhaps it is best to learn other ways of dealing with it..."But he started it" does not cut it if someone bullies you at work. (incidentally, I later found out that it was my "friends" who had been doing this)
  - sheraz 11y ago
    Life has lasting consequences. Bikes, skateboarding, and all the dumb shit kids do. A little blood never hurt. And I would not be the person I know and love today without some scars (both emotional and physical), head injuries , kitchen mishaps, etc.