7 ms·
On Tinder, Off Sex
- falsestprophet 11y agoHighly relevant context was omitted which can be found here: http://alirachelpearl.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/image1.jpg http://alirachelpearl.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/image1.... [1] [1] http://alirachelpearl.com/bio/ http://alirachelpearl.com/bio/
- deleted 11y ago[deleted]
- krisdol 11y agoIs it the picture that's relevant or the bio, and why?
- jsprogrammer 11y agoWhy would NYT omit highly relevant context?
- pavel_lishin 11y agoFellow HNers: I think falsestprophet is just trying to call her ugly. Let's not dignify this garbage with further responses.
- reinhardt 11y agoUgly? She's easily above average in my book.
- pavel_lishin 11y agoDitto, but other people's subjective tastes don't really matter to someone who gets his kicks putting down people on the internet.
- jsprogrammer 11y agoShouldn't the hypothesis be put forth, and destroyed?
- dang 11y agoTotally out of line for HN and will get your account banned if you do it again.
- falsestprophet 11y agoThis essay is about one person's experience not finding sex partners perceived to be suitable. My point was't that the author is attractive or unattractive (that I agree would be out of line either way), but that the author has a corporeal manifestation that is relevant to the narrative. The linked photo is from the author's professional bio, which is freely presented to the public and associated with the author's public writing (like this essay).
- ossreality 11y agoAnother topic oriented around a woman. First comments from creepy HN dudes. Fucking great.
- EC1 11y agoAfter reading this article I still haven't the faintest idea what I read. Tinder? Make your intentions clear, wrap it up in a few messages. Go get laid. End of story. Sex is infinitely easier for women than it is men.
- pavel_lishin 11y agoFinding a willing partner to insert a penis into a vagina is infinitely easier. Finding a good partner that you like and click with and who you'll actually have enjoyable, rewarding sex with is much, much harder.
- klipt 11y agoWell I don't do casual sex, so I could be wrong, but I thought the whole point of casual sex was that it was with people you don't like enough to date. If you like them enough to date, why not just date them?
- pavel_lishin 11y agoYou still have to like them enough to fuck them. I (guy here) have had a few hookups where I didn't particularly like the person, and wasn't even that attracted to them, but the opportunity was there and I took it. I don't really regret it, but on the effort-to-reward scale, it was just barely worth it. I probably would have gotten a better value for my time going to see a movie and eating a burger.
- tomp 11y agoWhy would the second part be harder for women?
- sp332 11y agoThat's the exact stereotype that doesn't fit this woman's story.
- the_mitsuhiko 11y ago> Sex is infinitely easier for women than it is men. I think that's very wrong if for no other reason taht if all you want is unqualified sex then you can get a prostitute of which there are many more females than males, so it should by that measure alone be easier for men.
- zyxley 11y ago> I found the profile of a man whose name is probably Matt and told him I’m new to this Tinder thing and asked him how it works. > "You match with a bunch of people, no one ever messages each other, and no one ever has sex," he responded. Sounds like the average male experience on any dating site or app.
- smikhanov 11y agoWhen I was single that was exactly my experience; I'm probably just a very average-looking guy with no exceptional talents. But few weeks ago an article from Vanity Fair (http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-cul...) was describing Tinder as an endless supply of sex for whoever cared to tap into it. I tend to think that VF piece is completely fictional nonsense.
- carsongross 11y agoMen and women, on average, have dramatically different experiences in an open sexual marketplace: a few men are having quite a lot of sex, many women are having a fair amount of sex, and quite a few men are having very little sex. This is consistent with an underlying ugly darwinian dynamic: a single dominant male can produce thousands of children, while a single female can produce perhaps ten. So for a few men and most women, the VF article is reasonably accurate.
- flycaliguy 11y agoAnd nothing like the 95% percentile's experience. Game ain't based on sympathy.
- moron4hire 11y agoMaybe she just needs fewer friends who are so judgy. Before I got married, I generally went 2 or 3 years between sexual partners. There wasn't any particular reason. I wanted to have sex during that time, but I didn't want to put the necessary effort in to make such a thing happen. I just didn't care enough. Much in the same way that I like watching baseball, would like to watch more baseball, but don't have baseball on television at home and don't care enough to get my ass down to the bar to watch any games, even during the playoffs. It's okay to have sex. It's okay to not have sex. That said, I've always found that any sort of dissatisfaction in my life has been due to me going to the same, old, wrong wells for where I thought I should find the things I wanted. If you keep doing the same thing while expecting different results... well, we know what that's about. My wife and I eventually got together after I stopped hanging out in bars so much and started making friends with other people who had more going on in their lives than hanging out in bars all the time.
- scythe 11y ago>I bought a bottle of Larceny bourbon the night before in preparation and had consumed half before he arrived. Ali Rachel Pearl, you have a drinking problem. No, seriously: I double-dog dare you, 'Hacker, reading this, to drink half a bottle of bourbon before you reply.
- TazeTSchnitzel 11y agoPerhaps they do, but is it really relevant? Alcoholism is rampant in our culture, and a lot of people drink to have sex.
- nicolewhite 11y ago> I quit drinking because I have a problem with alcohol.
- deleted 11y ago[deleted]
- kephra 11y agoThe thing I wonder about her: She did not had sex for two years, and still wants to continue taking the pill, to be available anytime to men who are to stupid to ask (or to smell), if she has the 3 days when French games are topic.
- zyxley 11y agoBirth control pills can be taken for many reasons other than actual contraception.
- moron4hire 11y agoThere are other reasons to take the pill than just contraception. It works by giving you a shot of hormones that prevent you from having a normal fertility cycle. Not having the hassle of periods every month is a big motivator for some people.
- facepalm 11y agoDoesn't it also curb your desire for sex?
- moron4hire 11y agoI don't know. It hasn't been a problem for anyone I've known.
- pavel_lishin 11y agoIt depends on the pill. Different pills have different side effects on different women; I think most end up working with their doctor and trying several different kinds before they find one they like.
- facepalm 11y agoI think it's fairly common to go two years without having sex. It's just the public hype that makes us think everybody else is having sex all the time.
- JoeAltmaier 11y agoJust like how every grocery store checkout lane goes faster than yours! Its simple statistics. You are one; there are N more lanes. What is the chance that yours is the faster one? Small. Recent discussion revolved around how your friends have more friends than you, on average. Similar argument (super-frienders have lots of friends; you are likely connected to one, and unlikely to be one). So, actually, everybody else is likely having more sex than you. Its just statistics.
- AjithAntony 11y agoYeah, how many times do we see tv and movies portray characters who report to not have had sex for "weeks" or "months" to be in a "dry spell" or as a "loser", or in need of some kind of sexual intervention. The only time I've ever heard the media use "years" as the unit of time between sexual encounters is when the characters are enumerating the motivations for suing for divorces.
- tuxidomasx 11y agoIt used to be the case that hooking up with strangers was assumed to be the whole point of using Tinder. Nobody was really trying to find a life partner on there. Nowadays, I feel like women are using it for easy validation, or to find a variety relationships (friends only, sugar daddys, traditional dating, finding someone to marry, etc). Which explains the "not looking for hookups / one night stands" that appear in a non-trivial percent of profiles now. On the other hand, I think most male users are still there mostly looking for quick hookups. Women are using Tinder for different reasons than they did a few years ago, and its increasing the signal to noise ratio for the hookup crowd.
- Mz 11y agoI enjoyed this. But, then, I am a woman who has been celibate for a long time, and not because that's how I "want" it to be. It just is. I don't think the article has much to do with Tinder. I happen to like it, I am just not sure why it is on HN. I really don't think it has any particular relevance to Tinder. It is a nice piece about someone who is where they are and ridiculous suggestions by other people to try x, y or z and just FIX IT are simply not working. Sometimes that happens. And a dating app (or hook up app?) doesn't fix whatever is causing it, because "meeting people" is not the issue. There are deeper issues here. She admits that.