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It is really weird to be honest, I wouldn't say the other replies on this comment at the moment cover it so thought I would try and add something. On one had y

It is really weird to be honest, I wouldn't say the other replies on this comment at the moment cover it so thought I would try and add something. On one had you're right those are genuine issues, there's little motivation to do anything really. I guess it is a spectrum but I still feel that if someone asks me to do something that I'm being a nice person if I do it, I guess others might be devoid of that. So if invited to do something I normally go, but I only originate plans if I feel I'm doing it for others e.g. if someone is visiting I'll setup a dinner for us all. At the end of a week when I've been busy I cab be annoyed at how much of my life is spent doing things for others, but I do know that's because I don't do anything at all for myself. I'm married and I wouldn't say I am because it's something expected of me. I think I want to be healthy mentally later in life and I know I can put the work in to give my wife a happy life, also that I didn't hide the way I am from her. If I didn't do these things it would be equivalent to just kind of giving up and I guess I haven't done that so I do these kind of things for future me who I want to be in a good place. I do love, I don't think it's quite the feeling love is to others but love/loss are recognisable. I work to succeed and for financial security basically, I can't fathom a job I "enjoy" but in my mind besides paying bills it's like a game and I win if I'm successful. A good way to think about it is when a big project finishes it's a bit weird for me because I don't really get happiness or pleasure or a sense of achievement from it, it's kind of like a vaccum. The day a system goes live is no different from day 1 on the project. Within the vaccum I just get hyper-critical of my performance I think my brain is thinking it's important to improve for next time and just immediately focusses on what it needs to do to make that happen. I do watch films/games, although not that much, but I like being distracted and having something to do. I watch twitch and sport where I do find it easy to support teams. I would never be upset after a result in sport or anything, I don't get nervous before or excited after a win but I like the pattern, which players are good/bad, analysing tactics, following the story etc. Reward mechanism - I don't think there's anything in my life like that I could google it but not sure what it means. I don't do anything to reward myself at all.

skybrian 11y ago
Are there decisions you have trouble making?
- rightnow321 11y ago
  Yeah, making decisions is like a big pros and cons list. If there's no real way to split the two it's hard if it's something I care on some level about. So for example picking a colour for a carpet or pick a new pair of shoes is a nightmare and I put that kind of thing off because ultimately I have no way in my brain to pick beyond that I want something plain so it's quite uncomfortable. Or picking a holiday destination is awkward, I live in Europe but I don't care whether I next go to Berlin, Paris or Rome. Even if I've been there before versus not I just don't care at all beyond if I consider it stressful being out of comfort zone or something in which case some places can be ruled out. I suppose that's the trivial things, the bigger life decisions where I can't make a decision I guess ultimately my wife makes for us. I don't think that's specific to this condition, I've read elsewhere that lots of people have a similar scientific approach to decision making.
jdidod 11y ago
I was like this. I managed to reconnect. Listen first to your body, feel the tingle from orgasm. Listen to it, experience it. Listen for the sensations around it. Listen for similar feelings in everyday life. They are there but softer, more subtle. Now shift your focus from your body and try to experience the color within your thoughts themselves. It takes time, its like learning to see. Do you feel hungry? That is an emotion. Ever been scared, that is an emotion. For me I had childhood trauma, it caused me to look away from my emotions, to deny them. To push them from thought. For people like us who find themselves having gone through much of life without weaving emotion into our thoughts there is a great opportunity to weave the emotional state into our personality in a manner of our choosing. One piece of advice is: listen to yourself and keep listening. Also I found mdma helped me prove to myself that emotion is real.

skybrian 11y ago

Are there decisions you have trouble making?

rightnow321 11y ago
Yeah, making decisions is like a big pros and cons list. If there's no real way to split the two it's hard if it's something I care on some level about. So for example picking a colour for a carpet or pick a new pair of shoes is a nightmare and I put that kind of thing off because ultimately I have no way in my brain to pick beyond that I want something plain so it's quite uncomfortable. Or picking a holiday destination is awkward, I live in Europe but I don't care whether I next go to Berlin, Paris or Rome. Even if I've been there before versus not I just don't care at all beyond if I consider it stressful being out of comfort zone or something in which case some places can be ruled out. I suppose that's the trivial things, the bigger life decisions where I can't make a decision I guess ultimately my wife makes for us. I don't think that's specific to this condition, I've read elsewhere that lots of people have a similar scientific approach to decision making.

jdidod 11y ago

I was like this. I managed to reconnect. Listen first to your body, feel the tingle from orgasm. Listen to it, experience it. Listen for the sensations around it. Listen for similar feelings in everyday life. They are there but softer, more subtle. Now shift your focus from your body and try to experience the color within your thoughts themselves. It takes time, its like learning to see. Do you feel hungry? That is an emotion. Ever been scared, that is an emotion. For me I had childhood trauma, it caused me to look away from my emotions, to deny them. To push them from thought. For people like us who find themselves having gone through much of life without weaving emotion into our thoughts there is a great opportunity to weave the emotional state into our personality in a manner of our choosing. One piece of advice is: listen to yourself and keep listening. Also I found mdma helped me prove to myself that emotion is real.