3 ms·

To sum up the situation, you have a co-worker that you can't work well with because of their behaviour. Your manager is aware of the situation and tried, but f

To sum up the situation, you have a co-worker that you can't work well with because of their behaviour. Your manager is aware of the situation and tried, but failed to get the co-worker to change their behaviour. To make life easy for you, I'll lay out your options: - Go to your manager with a plan for improving the co-worker's behaviour. Any other conversation about it will be pointless because the manager has shown that they are unable to fix the problem without help. - Go to your co-worker and find a way to convince them to change their behaviour. Remember that the manager has already tried and failed at this. You will have to try an approach other than saying "I would really like you to change your behaviour". - Engineer the termination of employment of the co-worker by means fair or foul. (Note that going above your direct manager or to HR is essentially an attempt in this direction). - Find a way to be happy in your work, despite your co-worker's behaviour. - Engineer your own termination of employment. I think only one of these approaches is easy and none are without risk. If you are willing and able to help your co-worker, this is likely to have the best possible outcome. The chances for success, though, are vanishingly small. Improving the quality of the team by engineering other people's termination is something that is not so difficult if you know how to do it, but it rather paints a big arrow at your head with the caption "I am evil". Whether you want to go down this route is entirely up to you. It often makes your team happy at the expense of the person you are targeting. Finding a way to be happy despite the poor behaviour of your colleagues is a very nice outcome for yourself, personally, but it doesn't do much to help others who share your situation. Still, if you wait long enough, the co-worker in questions may gather enough rope to hang themselves. Finally, you can leave. Knowing when you have had enough is a wonderful wisdom to have. There are risks, as you have said and nobody can evaluate them for you. It's not a good situation to be in. It's not entirely uncommon, though, given the short period of time people tend to stay in groups in this field, you are likely to encounter the situation again sometime in the future. Building your own skills so that you can help people who suffer from being assholes is something that can be quite valuable (and even marketable). Alas, I have never learned the knack myself.

calibraxis 11y ago
Interesting, how do you engineer termination? (I imagine one must discover ways to raise all sorts of costs so it's eventually worth it for them to be gone.)
- mikekchar 11y ago
  It's not hard to get people to leave voluntarily -- especially if they are technically competent. Management can easily do it by simply underpaying. Eventually the person will find a better paying job. If you want to get rid of someone and you are not in management, then just imagine all the crap things people have done to you in the past that made you want to quit. It's not hard. Of course in true Machievillian fashion, I don't actually recommend this. It's the type of stuff that makes teams dysfunctional. One of the things that makes this all difficult is the question, "Who is the asshole who is making this project so difficult to work on?" Nobody answers with "Me". Engaging in petty politics to force people out is what makes you the asshole -- even if you are doing it to get rid of a different asshole. Choosing to help the other guy, even if you think you have almost no chance of success, is what makes you the good guy. The problem is... you have almost no chance of success, the asshole probably won't thank you, and they will actually probably try to get you fired. Which is why sitting in your cubicle minding your own business is really attractive. But, of course, that just enables the asshole. Leaving abdicates responsibility and leaves your mates with one less ally. It's the Kobayashi Maru scenario :-) There is no right answer. It is simply a test of character.

calibraxis 11y ago

Interesting, how do you engineer termination? (I imagine one must discover ways to raise all sorts of costs so it's eventually worth it for them to be gone.)

mikekchar 11y ago
It's not hard to get people to leave voluntarily -- especially if they are technically competent. Management can easily do it by simply underpaying. Eventually the person will find a better paying job. If you want to get rid of someone and you are not in management, then just imagine all the crap things people have done to you in the past that made you want to quit. It's not hard. Of course in true Machievillian fashion, I don't actually recommend this. It's the type of stuff that makes teams dysfunctional. One of the things that makes this all difficult is the question, "Who is the asshole who is making this project so difficult to work on?" Nobody answers with "Me". Engaging in petty politics to force people out is what makes you the asshole -- even if you are doing it to get rid of a different asshole. Choosing to help the other guy, even if you think you have almost no chance of success, is what makes you the good guy. The problem is... you have almost no chance of success, the asshole probably won't thank you, and they will actually probably try to get you fired. Which is why sitting in your cubicle minding your own business is really attractive. But, of course, that just enables the asshole. Leaving abdicates responsibility and leaves your mates with one less ally. It's the Kobayashi Maru scenario :-) There is no right answer. It is simply a test of character.