Reality warps in some really weird ways, the more you do this. You stop being able to interact with your friends that aren't doing it; you stop taking care of

Reality warps in some really weird ways, the more you do this. You stop being able to interact with your friends that aren't doing it; you stop taking care of yourself in ways that don't feed maintenance your ability to keep grinding; you're always "on" so you never really relax enough to reflect or see things in other contexts or perspectives; in the back of your head you might know there's something wrong but you maybe can't put the pieces together, and since you've always been told you were so smart, that scares you, and you become defensive; at some point the idea that you've been on such a wrong track for so long becomes intolerable and rather than cut your losses you decide that "saner" approaches are really weakness. That's at least part of what I experienced, in a similar life style. At some point I realized if I kept doing it, I'd end up dead or crazy in ways I didn't want, and found alternatives that let me live and explore. But quitting was one of the scariest things I've done in my life.