3 ms·

New first time father of a 3 month old. It's really taken me by surprise how much guilt is thrown at women who either have to or choose to supplement breast mil

by thearn4 11y ago

New first time father of a 3 month old. It's really taken me by surprise how much guilt is thrown at women who either have to or choose to supplement breast milk with some formula. In our case, my wife cannot produce enough to cover him 100%, so we supplement. And he's growing well and extremely healthy so far (shrug). I guess this form of "mommy guilt" is well in line with the trend of every person you meet having their own opinion about every aspect of child raising. Where I'm really starting to think that, outside of the advice of your pediatrician (who should never be ignored), most of it really does not matter at all.

quesera 11y ago
It depends on your circles. The guilt is misdirected frustration with uninformed mothers who think formula is good enough, or frustration with the eh-too-hard-lets-order-something-cute-from-mini-boden set. But in most circles, formula is extremely common. In other cultures, if mom is unable to produce enough milk, there were other moms to help. That's too weird for us now, so it's formula or some other second rate substitution.
russnewcomer 11y ago
First time father with a seven month old here. I observe there is frequently more attachment to an idea (don't formula feed!) than there is the ideal (baby should be as healthy as possible). But I also observe that part of that is driven (at least, in America, where you seem to also be located) by the conceptual societal framework that has led kids to understand you should only be with people who don't criticize you, and my wife and I heard from several people while she was pregnant that we 'need to find our tribe,' where we try to exclusively spend our social time in a sub-group of people that share our philosophies on child-rearing and related fields. I reject this line of thinking as needlessly polarizing, and I think that if you only are with your tribe, you're going to be messing up your kid the same way everyone else in that tribe messes up their kids (and I also observe that every generation of Americans since the 'Greatest Generation' complains about how their parents raised them, I don't expect my children's generation to be any different)
celticninja 11y ago
I remember my dad saying dont listen to anyone else's advice on raising your child, including his.

by thearn4 11y ago

quesera 11y ago

It depends on your circles. The guilt is misdirected frustration with uninformed mothers who think formula is good enough, or frustration with the eh-too-hard-lets-order-something-cute-from-mini-boden set. But in most circles, formula is extremely common. In other cultures, if mom is unable to produce enough milk, there were other moms to help. That's too weird for us now, so it's formula or some other second rate substitution.

russnewcomer 11y ago

First time father with a seven month old here. I observe there is frequently more attachment to an idea (don't formula feed!) than there is the ideal (baby should be as healthy as possible). But I also observe that part of that is driven (at least, in America, where you seem to also be located) by the conceptual societal framework that has led kids to understand you should only be with people who don't criticize you, and my wife and I heard from several people while she was pregnant that we 'need to find our tribe,' where we try to exclusively spend our social time in a sub-group of people that share our philosophies on child-rearing and related fields. I reject this line of thinking as needlessly polarizing, and I think that if you only are with your tribe, you're going to be messing up your kid the same way everyone else in that tribe messes up their kids (and I also observe that every generation of Americans since the 'Greatest Generation' complains about how their parents raised them, I don't expect my children's generation to be any different)

celticninja 11y ago

I remember my dad saying dont listen to anyone else's advice on raising your child, including his.