4 ms·

And doing it in a one-on-one conversation is not just rude, but puts you into the asshole category.

by joesmo 11y ago

tedks 11y ago
I know of literally nobody my age who would ever think this. Why do you think you should have someone's complete and undivided attention just because you're within 5 feet and facing them? What arrogance. This is why your generation fucked up the planet.
- alienasa 11y ago
  > I know of literally nobody my age who would ever think this. I think that's precisely the point of the article. If you are in fact in the middle of a conversation with someone, then it is polite to pay attention. If you don't want to be in a conversation with them, then exit the conversation (i.e. tell them that you don't have time and walk away). Pretending to pay attention while doing nothing of the sort cheapens the interaction.
- shortstuffsushi 11y ago
  I'm not sure if this is meant to be /s, but I'm 24, and I find this behavior offensive as well. When I'm having a conversation with someone, yes, I would like to have their attention, and I'd surely give them mine.
- jotux 11y ago
  I'm in the millennial-age range and am quite irritated when someone sits on their phone when we're meeting in person. Electronic/social communication is, by its very nature, asynchronous. You can send a message and there's generally little pressure for an immediate response. Face to face conversations are synchronous and when you do something on your laptop/phone/tablet you break the flow of the conversation.
  - hellofunk 11y ago
    I wish people more your age and younger shared your perspective.
    - yareally 11y ago
      I think it just tends to be who you associate with. I don't really know anyone I hang out with that sits on their phone the entire time. Then again, I wouldn't put up with hanging out with them if they did either.
  - TeMPOraL 11y ago
    It depends. IMs are much less asynchronous. I think what's rude is breaking off one conversation into another one, regardless of media. For instance, it's incredibly annoying when someone comes up to me in person and demands attention when I'm in the middle of an important IM conversation with my SO. An no, my reply can't wait because I had a tempo of conversation, and the person on the other side of the phone can't see that someone interrupted me in person. Face to face conversations transmit out-of-band information through body language, and in the same way electronic conversations transmit out-of-band information through timing. Also reading timing is just as subtle skill as reading faces.
    - jotux 11y ago
      >Also reading timing is just as subtle skill as reading faces. I understand people "read timing" and interpret it as adding to the conversation but timing in a text conversation is so unreliable I personally give it no importance. More often than not the timing of my IM/text/email has more to do with the situation I'm currently in rather than how I feel about the conversation. I didn't reply to that last text because I just stepped into a meeting, or started driving, or got in the shower, etc.
- pessimizer 11y ago
  > I know of literally nobody my age who would ever think this. The behavior is a demonstration of not valuing someone else's time and attention (the time that it took to put themselves into your proximity, and the attention that they can't pay to someone else while waiting for you.) One would expect that people who practice it would tend to know less about what other people think and feel.
- joesmo 11y ago
  My generation is probably your generation. Talk about arrogance--you should look at yourself. So I assume you'd have no problem if your date pulled our his/her phone and completely ignored you? If your boss called you over and spent the next half hour on his phone, that shouldn't be a problem. If you ask a friend over to talk because you're hurting, and he ends up on his phone the whole time, that shouldn't be a problem either right? If you fly across the country to see someone, and they ignore you completely for two days while being buried in their phone, that's not a problem? Is this a generational thing? No, you're just being a selfish asshole by talking on the phone when you should be giving others your attention. What arrogance indeed!
- vezzy-fnord 11y ago
  Millennial here. I quite frequently end up standing as the odd one out in crowds who isn't checking their smartphone (I never use them for telephony purposes either, but as testing grounds/toys for Replicant/KDE Plasma Mobile/Ubuntu Touch and similar), which always catches me off guard. It's not that I have a superiority complex over not using smartphones, though it is delightfully ironic to witness many of the older generations I hear chastising people like me for a variety of grievances commit one of the cardinal sins I actually don't. And yes, if you can't last more than 5 minutes without checking Facebook, you need help.
  - veddox 11y ago
    Same situation here. I find it terrible when I look around a bus or some other public space and see literally everybody bent over their iPhones and what not. (Not only the younger generation, btw, many older people are just as bad.) That's why I'm always glad when I find other people my age who consciously refuse to be constantly available via WhatsApp, FB Messenger, etc. - several I know actually refuse to have a smart phone at all (yes, those people still exist ;-) ).
  - andrepd 11y ago
    >it is delightfully ironic to witness many of the older generations I hear chastising people like me for a variety of grievances commit one of the cardinal sins I actually don't That's abusive generalizations for you.
- notNow 11y ago
  Fucking up the planet like Shkreli the millenial and 21st century robber baron that thinks that $1k is too little a price to pay him to save your life for a course of medication that barely costs $100 total?! I'm a millenial myself and I have a lot of strong opinions about previous generations but enough with tired meme that all baby boomers or most of them are evil people and we're the saviors of the planet esp when you see examples like that jerk from our generation blackmailing sick and people in need just to get a new sport car or jet to show off in front of his peers of the same age.
  - hellofunk 11y ago
    The Millennial generation is just the same as every other generation when it comes to ruining the planet. Every time a young guy gets in a car filled up with gas, he's no different than anyone two or three times his age. It is not a conscious effort, it's just the way the society is, and everyone is responsible and everyone is guilty.
- dexterdog 11y ago
  I hope you're being sarcastic here.
- nilkn 11y ago
  I used to feel this way, until I had the realization one day that almost everybody I know in fact refrains from using their phone even during group interactions. I felt the way you did because people don't use their phones around me in general, so I never had the opportunity to be overly upset about phone usage in the first place, nor did anyone else. Of course there might be the occasional checking of messages, and nobody minds that, especially in groups. But generally I've found people in my age group (early to mid 20s) to be very mindful of when and how they use their phones. If they are going to text in front of you, I find that they often explain out loud why they're doing it, without your even asking, so you know that they actually are responding to something that needs or deserves a somewhat prompt reply. The illusion was shattered for me with my former roommate, also former friend. I was really amazed at how he'd just sit on his phone on Facebook whenever we went out together to grab something to eat. He'd often just sit there in silence. What sealed the deal for me and led me to the above realization was how he'd ignore me even if I remarked on something while he was in the midst of his Facebooking. It was so offensive to me that I don't even consider him a friend anymore.
- dang 11y ago
  > What arrogance. This is why your generation fucked up the planet. Personal attacks are not allowed on Hacker News. Please don't do this again. Generational generalizations are also a trope we can do without.

And doing it in a one-on-one conversation is not just rude, but puts you into the asshole category.

by joesmo 11y ago

And doing it in a one-on-one conversation is not just rude, but puts you into the asshole category.

tedks 11y ago

I know of literally nobody my age who would ever think this. Why do you think you should have someone's complete and undivided attention just because you're within 5 feet and facing them? What arrogance. This is why your generation fucked up the planet.

alienasa 11y ago
> I know of literally nobody my age who would ever think this. I think that's precisely the point of the article. If you are in fact in the middle of a conversation with someone, then it is polite to pay attention. If you don't want to be in a conversation with them, then exit the conversation (i.e. tell them that you don't have time and walk away). Pretending to pay attention while doing nothing of the sort cheapens the interaction.
shortstuffsushi 11y ago
I'm not sure if this is meant to be /s, but I'm 24, and I find this behavior offensive as well. When I'm having a conversation with someone, yes, I would like to have their attention, and I'd surely give them mine.
jotux 11y ago
I'm in the millennial-age range and am quite irritated when someone sits on their phone when we're meeting in person. Electronic/social communication is, by its very nature, asynchronous. You can send a message and there's generally little pressure for an immediate response. Face to face conversations are synchronous and when you do something on your laptop/phone/tablet you break the flow of the conversation.
- hellofunk 11y ago
  I wish people more your age and younger shared your perspective.
  - yareally 11y ago
    I think it just tends to be who you associate with. I don't really know anyone I hang out with that sits on their phone the entire time. Then again, I wouldn't put up with hanging out with them if they did either.
- TeMPOraL 11y ago
  It depends. IMs are much less asynchronous. I think what's rude is breaking off one conversation into another one, regardless of media. For instance, it's incredibly annoying when someone comes up to me in person and demands attention when I'm in the middle of an important IM conversation with my SO. An no, my reply can't wait because I had a tempo of conversation, and the person on the other side of the phone can't see that someone interrupted me in person. Face to face conversations transmit out-of-band information through body language, and in the same way electronic conversations transmit out-of-band information through timing. Also reading timing is just as subtle skill as reading faces.
  - jotux 11y ago
    >Also reading timing is just as subtle skill as reading faces. I understand people "read timing" and interpret it as adding to the conversation but timing in a text conversation is so unreliable I personally give it no importance. More often than not the timing of my IM/text/email has more to do with the situation I'm currently in rather than how I feel about the conversation. I didn't reply to that last text because I just stepped into a meeting, or started driving, or got in the shower, etc.
pessimizer 11y ago
> I know of literally nobody my age who would ever think this. The behavior is a demonstration of not valuing someone else's time and attention (the time that it took to put themselves into your proximity, and the attention that they can't pay to someone else while waiting for you.) One would expect that people who practice it would tend to know less about what other people think and feel.
joesmo 11y ago
My generation is probably your generation. Talk about arrogance--you should look at yourself. So I assume you'd have no problem if your date pulled our his/her phone and completely ignored you? If your boss called you over and spent the next half hour on his phone, that shouldn't be a problem. If you ask a friend over to talk because you're hurting, and he ends up on his phone the whole time, that shouldn't be a problem either right? If you fly across the country to see someone, and they ignore you completely for two days while being buried in their phone, that's not a problem? Is this a generational thing? No, you're just being a selfish asshole by talking on the phone when you should be giving others your attention. What arrogance indeed!
vezzy-fnord 11y ago
Millennial here. I quite frequently end up standing as the odd one out in crowds who isn't checking their smartphone (I never use them for telephony purposes either, but as testing grounds/toys for Replicant/KDE Plasma Mobile/Ubuntu Touch and similar), which always catches me off guard. It's not that I have a superiority complex over not using smartphones, though it is delightfully ironic to witness many of the older generations I hear chastising people like me for a variety of grievances commit one of the cardinal sins I actually don't. And yes, if you can't last more than 5 minutes without checking Facebook, you need help.
- veddox 11y ago
  Same situation here. I find it terrible when I look around a bus or some other public space and see literally everybody bent over their iPhones and what not. (Not only the younger generation, btw, many older people are just as bad.) That's why I'm always glad when I find other people my age who consciously refuse to be constantly available via WhatsApp, FB Messenger, etc. - several I know actually refuse to have a smart phone at all (yes, those people still exist ;-) ).
- andrepd 11y ago
  >it is delightfully ironic to witness many of the older generations I hear chastising people like me for a variety of grievances commit one of the cardinal sins I actually don't That's abusive generalizations for you.
notNow 11y ago
Fucking up the planet like Shkreli the millenial and 21st century robber baron that thinks that $1k is too little a price to pay him to save your life for a course of medication that barely costs $100 total?! I'm a millenial myself and I have a lot of strong opinions about previous generations but enough with tired meme that all baby boomers or most of them are evil people and we're the saviors of the planet esp when you see examples like that jerk from our generation blackmailing sick and people in need just to get a new sport car or jet to show off in front of his peers of the same age.
- hellofunk 11y ago
  The Millennial generation is just the same as every other generation when it comes to ruining the planet. Every time a young guy gets in a car filled up with gas, he's no different than anyone two or three times his age. It is not a conscious effort, it's just the way the society is, and everyone is responsible and everyone is guilty.
dexterdog 11y ago
I hope you're being sarcastic here.
nilkn 11y ago
I used to feel this way, until I had the realization one day that almost everybody I know in fact refrains from using their phone even during group interactions. I felt the way you did because people don't use their phones around me in general, so I never had the opportunity to be overly upset about phone usage in the first place, nor did anyone else. Of course there might be the occasional checking of messages, and nobody minds that, especially in groups. But generally I've found people in my age group (early to mid 20s) to be very mindful of when and how they use their phones. If they are going to text in front of you, I find that they often explain out loud why they're doing it, without your even asking, so you know that they actually are responding to something that needs or deserves a somewhat prompt reply. The illusion was shattered for me with my former roommate, also former friend. I was really amazed at how he'd just sit on his phone on Facebook whenever we went out together to grab something to eat. He'd often just sit there in silence. What sealed the deal for me and led me to the above realization was how he'd ignore me even if I remarked on something while he was in the midst of his Facebooking. It was so offensive to me that I don't even consider him a friend anymore.
dang 11y ago
> What arrogance. This is why your generation fucked up the planet. Personal attacks are not allowed on Hacker News. Please don't do this again. Generational generalizations are also a trope we can do without.