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I've come to exactly that conclusion about my family. I love them but frankly their concern for me translates into very little benefit for anyone. Also their cr

I've come to exactly that conclusion about my family. I love them but frankly their concern for me translates into very little benefit for anyone. Also their criticisms were largely born of themselves and served primarily to limit me.

busterarm 11y ago
Same, but I'll take it one step further. I have never had an actual _conversation_ with my own mother (single parent home) who is now in her 70s. Every attempt at a discussion has always ended up without her actually trying to listen and heaping on (berating) criticism that is either coming from her own shortcomings/fears (and she's a very fearful person) or she'll interrupt me and heap on criticism based on what she thinks I'm going to say. At least that's how it's been since I was too big for her to continue to beat me. There hasn't been a shred of concern for my own interests and goals and in my 30s I don't expect that to change from her. She's been trying to break up my older brother's marriage for near 20 years (after successfully driving his previous partner away and a few of mine). She wasn't invited to my brother's wedding and if I ever meet someone that I care about again, she will not get to meet them. Ever. If I were more cynical, I would say that every time our goals aren't lock-step with her goals for us, she makes a concerted effort for us to fail, but I imagine that she really thinks she has the best of intentions. She is just crazy. So sure, love your family, but that doesn't mean your family is good for you. If your family isn't good for you, limit their ability to do damage in your life. If you can't do that, cut them off.
- ta140604 11y ago
  To you and other people in similar situations: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists a community of (and for) people dealing with similar problems. (Not diagnosing your mother, but, let's say, a lot of actions look familiar)
  - kawera 11y ago
    Good call, this is an excelent community with some hearthbreaking stories. There is also a whole network of subreddits on the topic, some very active (lower right sidebar).
  - hga 11y ago
    Also check out this less well known disorder (did not become official because of unrelated political reasons): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadistic_personality_disorder https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadistic_personality_disorder My mother isn't entirely like busterarm's, but I recognize plenty of similarities, maybe mine has more self-discipline.

busterarm 11y ago

Same, but I'll take it one step further. I have never had an actual _conversation_ with my own mother (single parent home) who is now in her 70s. Every attempt at a discussion has always ended up without her actually trying to listen and heaping on (berating) criticism that is either coming from her own shortcomings/fears (and she's a very fearful person) or she'll interrupt me and heap on criticism based on what she thinks I'm going to say. At least that's how it's been since I was too big for her to continue to beat me. There hasn't been a shred of concern for my own interests and goals and in my 30s I don't expect that to change from her. She's been trying to break up my older brother's marriage for near 20 years (after successfully driving his previous partner away and a few of mine). She wasn't invited to my brother's wedding and if I ever meet someone that I care about again, she will not get to meet them. Ever. If I were more cynical, I would say that every time our goals aren't lock-step with her goals for us, she makes a concerted effort for us to fail, but I imagine that she really thinks she has the best of intentions. She is just crazy. So sure, love your family, but that doesn't mean your family is good for you. If your family isn't good for you, limit their ability to do damage in your life. If you can't do that, cut them off.

ta140604 11y ago
To you and other people in similar situations: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists a community of (and for) people dealing with similar problems. (Not diagnosing your mother, but, let's say, a lot of actions look familiar)
- kawera 11y ago
  Good call, this is an excelent community with some hearthbreaking stories. There is also a whole network of subreddits on the topic, some very active (lower right sidebar).
- hga 11y ago
  Also check out this less well known disorder (did not become official because of unrelated political reasons): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadistic_personality_disorder https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadistic_personality_disorder My mother isn't entirely like busterarm's, but I recognize plenty of similarities, maybe mine has more self-discipline.