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> But he was also the only individual I met in over 5 years at the company who knew what GIS was before I explained it. I have a certificate in GIS. I wanted to

> But he was also the only individual I met in over 5 years at the company who knew what GIS was before I explained it. I have a certificate in GIS. I wanted to get into the IT department. It was clear to me that a senior programmer asking me for a date was not bad behavior per se on his part, but it nonetheless was not only not going to open doors for me, it was going to help close them. I'm not sure I understand this. What import does familiarity with GIS have? What led you to conclude that hanging out with IT department employees socially would make it more difficult for you to join the IT department?

Mz 11y ago
I have a certificate in geographic information systems. It is an IT field. He knew what it was and was a powerful man in the IT department. If I had been male, he could have been a networking opprtunity. He was well positioned to understand the value of my niche training and what relevance it might have for a company drowning in information overload. That angle apparently never crossed his mind. He only thought of me in terms of being an attractive woman that he wanted to date. It was against the rules at the company to sleep with someone you were in charge of, even if not directly -- even if there were several layers between your position and theirs. Therefore, any high ranking man in a different department that slept with me was de facto barring me from ever working under him. Depending on his position in the department, this could bar me from a single team or multiple teams or the entire department. I wanted an IT job. Him asking me for a date was potentially making it impossible to ever pursue that at the company where we both worked. I am sure that did not cross his mind. He made enough money, he could have provided for me even if I did not work. But I want a career. I did the homemaker and mom thing already. I am not looking for a man who wants me to be his little lady. I want one who will support my dreams instead of one who assumes it is all about his. I did that once. I got burned. I want something better the second time around. If I can't get it, I am content to remain alone.
- hunterloftis 11y ago
  > It was against the rules at the company to sleep with someone you were in charge of, even if not directly -- even if there were several layers between your position and theirs. Therefore, any high ranking man in a different department that slept with me was de facto barring me from ever working under him. Depending on his position in the department, this could bar me from a single team or multiple teams or the entire department. That clarifies things. So he would have been your manager had you successfully joined the IT team you applied to?
  - Mz 11y ago
    I was not 100% sure what his position was in the departmental heirarchy. But, yes, that was the crux of my concern.
- Lawtonfogle 11y ago
  >Therefore, any high ranking man in a different department that slept with me was de facto barring me from ever working under him. He was? And here I thought that such actions required agreement on both parts to take place (without there being a crime committed).
  - Mz 11y ago
    Let me put it this way: If we slept together, it was against company rules for him to be my boss. If I turned down the date, I would not be barred from working for him, but rejecting him was not going to establish a good working relationship. It would not be a good career move to personally reject a man and then seek out a job working for him. So, in practical terms, simply asking me for a date, regardless of the outcome, was closing doors for me. I am sure that before he asked, he thought about whether or not this could harm his career. He apparently did not think about the impact on mine. So, yes, while you are correct that I would have to consent for sex to happen, his decision to take an action based on his attraction to me that limited my career prospects was, in fact, unilateral and something I had no control over.

Mz 11y ago

I have a certificate in geographic information systems. It is an IT field. He knew what it was and was a powerful man in the IT department. If I had been male, he could have been a networking opprtunity. He was well positioned to understand the value of my niche training and what relevance it might have for a company drowning in information overload. That angle apparently never crossed his mind. He only thought of me in terms of being an attractive woman that he wanted to date. It was against the rules at the company to sleep with someone you were in charge of, even if not directly -- even if there were several layers between your position and theirs. Therefore, any high ranking man in a different department that slept with me was de facto barring me from ever working under him. Depending on his position in the department, this could bar me from a single team or multiple teams or the entire department. I wanted an IT job. Him asking me for a date was potentially making it impossible to ever pursue that at the company where we both worked. I am sure that did not cross his mind. He made enough money, he could have provided for me even if I did not work. But I want a career. I did the homemaker and mom thing already. I am not looking for a man who wants me to be his little lady. I want one who will support my dreams instead of one who assumes it is all about his. I did that once. I got burned. I want something better the second time around. If I can't get it, I am content to remain alone.

hunterloftis 11y ago
> It was against the rules at the company to sleep with someone you were in charge of, even if not directly -- even if there were several layers between your position and theirs. Therefore, any high ranking man in a different department that slept with me was de facto barring me from ever working under him. Depending on his position in the department, this could bar me from a single team or multiple teams or the entire department. That clarifies things. So he would have been your manager had you successfully joined the IT team you applied to?
- Mz 11y ago
  I was not 100% sure what his position was in the departmental heirarchy. But, yes, that was the crux of my concern.
Lawtonfogle 11y ago
>Therefore, any high ranking man in a different department that slept with me was de facto barring me from ever working under him. He was? And here I thought that such actions required agreement on both parts to take place (without there being a crime committed).
- Mz 11y ago
  Let me put it this way: If we slept together, it was against company rules for him to be my boss. If I turned down the date, I would not be barred from working for him, but rejecting him was not going to establish a good working relationship. It would not be a good career move to personally reject a man and then seek out a job working for him. So, in practical terms, simply asking me for a date, regardless of the outcome, was closing doors for me. I am sure that before he asked, he thought about whether or not this could harm his career. He apparently did not think about the impact on mine. So, yes, while you are correct that I would have to consent for sex to happen, his decision to take an action based on his attraction to me that limited my career prospects was, in fact, unilateral and something I had no control over.