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I appreciate the effort and kudos on being proactive, but this is not an effective way of talking to someone whose mind you are hoping to change. This will be r

I appreciate the effort and kudos on being proactive, but this is not an effective way of talking to someone whose mind you are hoping to change. This will be read in a positive light only by people who already agree with the author and are already upset about the situation. In the very first paragraph, the author mocks the people he's talking to ("Much to my surprise, this was not a satire article on The Onion"). Then he resorts to hyperbole ("inexplicably horrifying"), diverges from the topic at hand to get in a jab at someone else ("as much as I like to criticize our New York Police Department"), resorts to sarcasm ("Congratulations"), insults the people he's talking to ("such a severe lapse of applicable common sense"), and finally basically blames them for the downfall of a whole country ("Reading news stories like this makes me quite ashamed to be an American; I want to love my country and all that it stands for, but as long as this is the new precedent that we are setting, I can no longer do so."). This style of writing is great for riling up people who already agree with you, but it's not effective at reaching people who don't. If you want to reach someone, you need to respect them, listen, assume honesty and good intentions, focus on the issue not the individual, and all the other aphorisms you've heard about dealing with other people. It does no good to put the person you are trying to persuade on the defensive. Or in one sentence: You catch more flies with honey.

brador 11y ago
The goal isn't to change anyones mind. It's to rebalance the chilling effect away from the kid back to the school.
mach_kernel 11y ago
You are right, but it is so difficult to not be angry about what happened. I have some growing to do. I am the author of this. I feel very strongly about things like this, and I think harsh criticism is warranted, although it is a bit too ad hominem.
- DanielStraight 11y ago
  To clarify, my intention wasn't to say that the criticism wasn't warranted, just that it wasn't the right way to phrase it as a letter to the people involved. In a blog post directed to a general audience, it wouldn't come off as harshly, but if I imagine the principal of this school opening it and reading it... it's a different story. And maybe I read it wrong and you weren't actually sending this letter and that was just a stylistic choice, but my impression was that you had actually sent (or were planning to send) this letter to the people involved, and that's where I say kudos on actually doing something about it instead of just reading about it as most people will do; I just want to try to increase the chances of them responding how we would hope they would respond. Finally, thank you for the reply and for receiving my comment in the spirit in which it was intended.
  - mach_kernel 11y ago
    I realize that the people to whom this is intended to will be upset, but that was what I was aiming for. I don't want to hurt feelings, but I think that if you do something shitty, that feeling shitty for it is somewhat warranted. I am just pointing it out. I like hearing feedback and I wish that I could be less abrasive. Seeing the kid wearing a NASA shirt (which I have) in handcuffs made my eyes well up. That is not OK. As for the whole "proud to be an American" bit, I am just being honest. I feel ashamed that this is where we are in 2015, reprimanding a young man for furthering his education...that kind of behavior starts a very ugly snowballing of worse and worse things to come if it is not corrected. I did send this message to them. I wonder if they will ever reply. I think that the POTUS invitation speaks volumes about the magnitude of what has happened. Thank you for your feedback. I really do appreciate it :)

brador 11y ago

The goal isn't to change anyones mind. It's to rebalance the chilling effect away from the kid back to the school.

mach_kernel 11y ago

You are right, but it is so difficult to not be angry about what happened. I have some growing to do. I am the author of this. I feel very strongly about things like this, and I think harsh criticism is warranted, although it is a bit too ad hominem.

DanielStraight 11y ago
To clarify, my intention wasn't to say that the criticism wasn't warranted, just that it wasn't the right way to phrase it as a letter to the people involved. In a blog post directed to a general audience, it wouldn't come off as harshly, but if I imagine the principal of this school opening it and reading it... it's a different story. And maybe I read it wrong and you weren't actually sending this letter and that was just a stylistic choice, but my impression was that you had actually sent (or were planning to send) this letter to the people involved, and that's where I say kudos on actually doing something about it instead of just reading about it as most people will do; I just want to try to increase the chances of them responding how we would hope they would respond. Finally, thank you for the reply and for receiving my comment in the spirit in which it was intended.
- mach_kernel 11y ago
  I realize that the people to whom this is intended to will be upset, but that was what I was aiming for. I don't want to hurt feelings, but I think that if you do something shitty, that feeling shitty for it is somewhat warranted. I am just pointing it out. I like hearing feedback and I wish that I could be less abrasive. Seeing the kid wearing a NASA shirt (which I have) in handcuffs made my eyes well up. That is not OK. As for the whole "proud to be an American" bit, I am just being honest. I feel ashamed that this is where we are in 2015, reprimanding a young man for furthering his education...that kind of behavior starts a very ugly snowballing of worse and worse things to come if it is not corrected. I did send this message to them. I wonder if they will ever reply. I think that the POTUS invitation speaks volumes about the magnitude of what has happened. Thank you for your feedback. I really do appreciate it :)