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The dumb thing that I see is that employers sometimes don't give childless employees the same leeway. Like I had an employer who let mom's leave for their kids,

The dumb thing that I see is that employers sometimes don't give childless employees the same leeway. Like I had an employer who let mom's leave for their kids, but gave me a hard time when I left to go to a hospital after my brother was in a terrible car accident. But just plain forbidding dealing with sick children is a horrific policy. Unless you want all your family employees to leave or hate you.

sokoloff 11y ago
I wonder how much of these anecdotes are a natural outcome of human discomfort with a situation? Maybe your boss was just uncomfortable and feeling bad/empathetic with your brother's condition and didn't know how to handle you, so handled you awkwardly and stiffly, which you internalize as "a hard time". If someone gave you an actual hard time over something like that, I don't want to get all internet badass here, but "you have my address; please send my last check there" might be the most appropriate response... (I'm not in any way discounting the certainty that there are asshole employers out there, and the possibility that you worked for one.) (Hope your brother is now OK.)
- rhino369 11y ago
  I had already left and just sent an email back saying "Well I already left and I'll be in Duluth for a while. I'll talk to you when I get back." I think the boss realized he was being a dick because it was never mentioned again. I think you might be right, discomfort plus not knowing how to handle the situation. He survived the crash but is quadriplegic now. He was very lucky though, his two best friends died.
dangero 11y ago
This is why I brought this up. I had the same situation where the only person on the team who had a "valid excuse" was the one who had to take kids to school in the morning. Other people on the team felt they were required to do more work because they had chosen not to have kids. Any method of defining what constitutes a valid excuse is likely to step on someone's toes.
- tbrownaw 11y ago
  This person wasn't expected to stay the same amount late at the end of the day?
  - dangero 11y ago
    Not in this case no, but even in the case where they were asked to stay late I would still find the idea that they had special priviledges to reconfigure their schedule unfair. As a parent myself I just believe I'm not entitled to special treatment at work because of the life choices I've made to have kids.
    - troels 11y ago
      Was there complete transparency on salary there? I mean - that person might have made a deal with your employer to take a lower salary in return for that privilege. Either explicitly or simply by not getting the same raise as they would otherwise. I find it a bit peculiar that people concern themselves with these things, but have no problem with differential in pay.

sokoloff 11y ago

I wonder how much of these anecdotes are a natural outcome of human discomfort with a situation? Maybe your boss was just uncomfortable and feeling bad/empathetic with your brother's condition and didn't know how to handle you, so handled you awkwardly and stiffly, which you internalize as "a hard time". If someone gave you an actual hard time over something like that, I don't want to get all internet badass here, but "you have my address; please send my last check there" might be the most appropriate response... (I'm not in any way discounting the certainty that there are asshole employers out there, and the possibility that you worked for one.) (Hope your brother is now OK.)

rhino369 11y ago
I had already left and just sent an email back saying "Well I already left and I'll be in Duluth for a while. I'll talk to you when I get back." I think the boss realized he was being a dick because it was never mentioned again. I think you might be right, discomfort plus not knowing how to handle the situation. He survived the crash but is quadriplegic now. He was very lucky though, his two best friends died.

dangero 11y ago

This is why I brought this up. I had the same situation where the only person on the team who had a "valid excuse" was the one who had to take kids to school in the morning. Other people on the team felt they were required to do more work because they had chosen not to have kids. Any method of defining what constitutes a valid excuse is likely to step on someone's toes.

tbrownaw 11y ago
This person wasn't expected to stay the same amount late at the end of the day?
- dangero 11y ago
  Not in this case no, but even in the case where they were asked to stay late I would still find the idea that they had special priviledges to reconfigure their schedule unfair. As a parent myself I just believe I'm not entitled to special treatment at work because of the life choices I've made to have kids.
  - troels 11y ago
    Was there complete transparency on salary there? I mean - that person might have made a deal with your employer to take a lower salary in return for that privilege. Either explicitly or simply by not getting the same raise as they would otherwise. I find it a bit peculiar that people concern themselves with these things, but have no problem with differential in pay.