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Over the last century men in many parts of the world (but not all) have become substantially more restrained in how they convey emotion physically. Watch a hol
by beloch 11y ago
Over the last century men in many parts of the world (but not all) have become substantially more restrained in how they convey emotion physically. Watch a hollywood film from the 30's and you'll see men hugging, slapping each other on the back, holding hands, walking arm-in-arm, etc. in a very casual manner. Man hugs still happen in movies, but only in times of extreme emotion. Think back to the last time a co-worker gave you a hug. It was probably quite a while ago!
Some cultures still show a lot of emotion and have a lot of physical contact (e.g. Turks). People in these cultures also tend to stand much closer when talking. Put a Western European or North American in their midst and he'll feel very uncomfortable. Showing strong emotions is also generally more acceptable in these cultures. I may have fist pumped a couple times when my team won the Stanley Cup, but I've seen Turks do cartwheels, flop on the ground in hysterics, get up and start hugging everyone in the room because their soccer team won a quarter-final!
So, what happened? Why, in less than a century, did we become so aloof and restrained? Homophobia may be one possible reason. If two men unconsciously stand too close to each other while looking at the same thing someone (a woman did this to me once) will exclaim "ARE YOU TWO GAY!??". Physical contact, sharing emotions, etc. are things that, in the last century, have become off-limits for heterosexual men, and women enforce this as much as men do despite the fact that the same standard does not apply to women.
The psychological effects of this on men are probably not good. It's something that we should honestly make an effort to reverse, but how do we do so? What are things going to be like in another century if we don't?
- foiboitoi 11y agoYou bring up good points. But... >Homophobia may be one possible reason. If two men unconsciously stand too close to each other while looking at the same thing someone (a woman did this to me once) will exclaim "ARE YOU TWO GAY!??". Is that really fear of homosexuals? Or more a heterosexual desire to appear available. Even among other males who make those "accusations", the counter-reaction to not appear gay is also an attempt to appear available to women and not decrease your odds of that (you don't want false rumors to spread). To me "ARE YOU TWO GAY!??" is more flamboyant curiosity than a homophobic behavioral condemnation.
- foiboitoi 11y agoDownvotes? Guess that's what I get for being honest & speaking from my own experience... I brought that up because you can only solve a problem when you understand what's gone wrong. And pinning it on homophobia is a swing and a miss IMHO. If there's a real single answer, it'd more likely be about male reputation & maintaining respect in our corporate focused culture. Which I think isn't that far removed from honor culture.
- Qantourisc 11y agoHow do we do so? Find real men, brave enough to cry and express emotion! From a social pressure point it will be hard. More seriously: you reverse things one step at the time. Creating awareness and correcting media would be the first step I think.
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- thowmeinariver 11y agoHollywood is your source for how men have acted throughout history? Also, when Turkish and American cultures differ, surely the americans must be homophobes?