4 ms·

I guess the every family is different. The key is to being present, either physically, or virtually via one of the many social networks. Just being able to reac

I guess the every family is different. The key is to being present, either physically, or virtually via one of the many social networks. Just being able to reach out is important. I just finish Scott Berkun's frank novel [1] about his relationship with his father. It pains me to see how Scott's attempts to reach out his father goes unanswered. Unfortunately, he was not successful is forming a close bond with his father. One takeaway I got from Scott's book is to create access for you and your family to connect. Without this access, communication is not possible even if you want to. Obvious but easy to forget. [1] - http://scottberkun.com/the-ghost-of-my-father/ http://scottberkun.com/the-ghost-of-my-father/

dkural 11y ago
I felt like a major point of the article was that it didn't consider being available on facebook/instagram/twitter as being present, since you're likely doing something else - you actually being with someone physically is very different from someone being able to look at an html page you curated and message you while your brain is occupied with work/life. You'd have no context around that person reaching out to you. You wouldn't know their mood for the last few days. In all likelihood, they wouldn't feel comfortable pinging a cousin far away in the first place.
markglass 11y ago
Thanks for sharing this link. I purchased the book and am reading it now. My father and I are both very introverted, and do not share feelings easily. As a result I feel like I have never really known him. I was going through a very difficult time a couple of years ago and I remember sitting with him and sharing my problem - the first time in my life that I had done that with him. It was a really tough thing for me to do, but I was hoping that not only could he offer me some advice, but it would be a way for us to finally have the relationship we never had. Sadly he was not able to respond. He asked some factual questions, and then there was nothing, and he suggested I talk to my mother instead. I was sad that we could not communicate over something like this, but sadder still that I realized that I would never really know him. I don't blame him for this, since I recognize so much of him in myself, but I do envy men who are able to have close relationships with their fathers.
kak9 11y ago
Could you elaborate on creating access?
- yitchelle 11y ago
  I am far from an expert in creating access for communications. I know that it must be handled with deliberate diplomacy and tact. If not, the other party could see this action as imposing and could shut down any attempts on your part to create that access. This is even more important when it comes to family members because the emotional investment is a lot higher. Good luck!

dkural 11y ago

I felt like a major point of the article was that it didn't consider being available on facebook/instagram/twitter as being present, since you're likely doing something else - you actually being with someone physically is very different from someone being able to look at an html page you curated and message you while your brain is occupied with work/life. You'd have no context around that person reaching out to you. You wouldn't know their mood for the last few days. In all likelihood, they wouldn't feel comfortable pinging a cousin far away in the first place.

markglass 11y ago

Thanks for sharing this link. I purchased the book and am reading it now. My father and I are both very introverted, and do not share feelings easily. As a result I feel like I have never really known him. I was going through a very difficult time a couple of years ago and I remember sitting with him and sharing my problem - the first time in my life that I had done that with him. It was a really tough thing for me to do, but I was hoping that not only could he offer me some advice, but it would be a way for us to finally have the relationship we never had. Sadly he was not able to respond. He asked some factual questions, and then there was nothing, and he suggested I talk to my mother instead. I was sad that we could not communicate over something like this, but sadder still that I realized that I would never really know him. I don't blame him for this, since I recognize so much of him in myself, but I do envy men who are able to have close relationships with their fathers.

kak9 11y ago

Could you elaborate on creating access?

yitchelle 11y ago
I am far from an expert in creating access for communications. I know that it must be handled with deliberate diplomacy and tact. If not, the other party could see this action as imposing and could shut down any attempts on your part to create that access. This is even more important when it comes to family members because the emotional investment is a lot higher. Good luck!