3 ms·

One thing I find a bit weird, and I suspect it started in America (but I'm not sure), is when colleagues pass each other and they say 'how are you?' and keep wa

by Tycho 11y ago

One thing I find a bit weird, and I suspect it started in America (but I'm not sure), is when colleagues pass each other and they say 'how are you?' and keep walking, making it entirely obvious that they're not really interested in how you are. Or maybe they expect some rapid fire response. Not sure. But I think it would be better to just say 'Hi' if you don't intend to stop and actually talk.

kleer001 11y ago
Good question. I have wrestled with the same thing. I have found that the literal interpretation of "How are you?" can be countered with a rough summary of your internal emotional/mental machinery by way of an emphatic grunt or groan. "Meh.", "Woo!", "Ugh." are a few good places to start. Get creative, do some homework. Remember this is a very basic, mammalian level trait. This is after lizard brain stuff, but before primate brain stuff. We don't need a lot of words for this particular relationship transaction. Have fun with it, but don't stress it. The person asking the question is certainly not stressing it.
- dceddia 11y ago
  It usually seems, to me at least, that the proper and expected response is a mix of "Good!" and/or just returning the "How are you?" "Meh", "Ugh", and other actual emotions don't seem to fit my idea of what the other person wants to hear. Those invite conversation, or almost hint at asking for a conversation. I don't think that's what the other person usually wants. I've taken to mechanically translating "how are you?" into an emotionless "hi". I agree though, it's all very weird. Americans don't seem to just say "hi" very often.
- losvedir 11y ago
  It depends where in the country you are. In California, where I grew up, it's expected to have a small response: A: "Hey, how are you?" B: "Good, and you?" A: "Good, thanks." But in the Northeast, you'll stress yourself out trying to actually respond. People will throw it out as you're walking by each other, and if you try to squeeze in a "Good, and you?" they'll be taken aback because they're not really expecting to say anything further. And they're not really waiting to hear any actual response like "Meh" or "Woo". In Boston and New York, I literally translate "How are you" to "Howdy" in my head. That is, "Howdy" was derived from "How do you do?" but obviously you don't respond "Good" to "Howdy". It's just a synonym for "Hi." A: "Hi, how are you?" B: "Hi."
cb18 11y ago
This is an American thing in general, not just a workplace thing. I know that people in other cultures find it quite strange sometimes, and frankly it is when the actual meaning of the words is considered and what their use implies. But it has somehow just become a kind of standard default greeting. I think it's probably meant to imply a kind of warmness to the person it is directed to, kind of like, "nice to see you," or "I wish you well." No one expects it to lead to extended conversation when it is used nonchalantly like this. And you're right, it is frequently encountered in situations where one or both parties are in motion. Often in a form like: A: Hi B: Hi, how are you? or A:Hi B:Hi, how are you? A:Good, thanks! or A:Hi B:Hi, how are you? A:smile, nod or A:Hi B:Hi, how are you? A:Good, and you? B:Good, thanks. I think this is fairly common in languages, that words are used in a way that from their literal meanings you wouldn't expect. Idioms of course, but I think in other ways as well.
- sixbrx 11y ago
  Yeah a lot of us do it even if we find it awkward, because we feel it's better than seeming cold and smug. It's also kindof an invitation I guess for real talk in case the other party really has something ready to chew on with you. It reminds me of the Dilbert where he's telling Catbert how he was confronted with passing someone he barely knows for the second time in a hallway, where he already gave the empty "hey how's it going" the first time not long before. Catbert asks what he did, he says he pulled the fire alarm, because he couldn't think of anything else ("I doubt Mrs. Manners will back you up on that one"). I feel that way sometimes too :)
  - deleted 11y ago
    [deleted]
  - throwaway999777 11y ago
    > Yeah a lot of us do it even if we find it awkward, because we feel it's better than seeming cold and smug. In what universe is a simple greeting cold and smug?
    - 11y ago
rokhayakebe 11y ago
Sometimes it is just a way to tell the other person "I acknowledge your presence." I prefer a smile and/or a nod, a wink.
ashwinaj 11y ago
Yup, this kinda confused me too, but I got used to it and I started doing it too. Now I only say "hi", because I think it's disingenuous to ask someone "how they're doing" when in reality I don't really care. So if I do ask someone "how they're doing" it's a genuine question.
vijayr 11y ago
This totally bothered me too, at the beginning. Took me a few weeks to understand that "Hi, how are you" is the American equivalent of "Hey", "Hello", "Good Morning" etc from other countries/culture. It seems rude, but it is just a habit than being intentionally rude. It sure is confusing to foreigners when we move here. But yeah, it would be nice to just say Hi.
wflann 11y ago
Try a response of "Hey, how's it going?" or something similar. I think it works fairly well. If the person actually wants to talk, you can get them started. If they don't, then you don't feel like a schmuck if you gave a real answer that they didn't care about.

by Tycho 11y ago

kleer001 11y ago

Good question. I have wrestled with the same thing. I have found that the literal interpretation of "How are you?" can be countered with a rough summary of your internal emotional/mental machinery by way of an emphatic grunt or groan. "Meh.", "Woo!", "Ugh." are a few good places to start. Get creative, do some homework. Remember this is a very basic, mammalian level trait. This is after lizard brain stuff, but before primate brain stuff. We don't need a lot of words for this particular relationship transaction. Have fun with it, but don't stress it. The person asking the question is certainly not stressing it.

dceddia 11y ago
It usually seems, to me at least, that the proper and expected response is a mix of "Good!" and/or just returning the "How are you?" "Meh", "Ugh", and other actual emotions don't seem to fit my idea of what the other person wants to hear. Those invite conversation, or almost hint at asking for a conversation. I don't think that's what the other person usually wants. I've taken to mechanically translating "how are you?" into an emotionless "hi". I agree though, it's all very weird. Americans don't seem to just say "hi" very often.
losvedir 11y ago
It depends where in the country you are. In California, where I grew up, it's expected to have a small response: A: "Hey, how are you?" B: "Good, and you?" A: "Good, thanks." But in the Northeast, you'll stress yourself out trying to actually respond. People will throw it out as you're walking by each other, and if you try to squeeze in a "Good, and you?" they'll be taken aback because they're not really expecting to say anything further. And they're not really waiting to hear any actual response like "Meh" or "Woo". In Boston and New York, I literally translate "How are you" to "Howdy" in my head. That is, "Howdy" was derived from "How do you do?" but obviously you don't respond "Good" to "Howdy". It's just a synonym for "Hi." A: "Hi, how are you?" B: "Hi."

cb18 11y ago

This is an American thing in general, not just a workplace thing. I know that people in other cultures find it quite strange sometimes, and frankly it is when the actual meaning of the words is considered and what their use implies. But it has somehow just become a kind of standard default greeting. I think it's probably meant to imply a kind of warmness to the person it is directed to, kind of like, "nice to see you," or "I wish you well." No one expects it to lead to extended conversation when it is used nonchalantly like this. And you're right, it is frequently encountered in situations where one or both parties are in motion. Often in a form like: A: Hi B: Hi, how are you? or A:Hi B:Hi, how are you? A:Good, thanks! or A:Hi B:Hi, how are you? A:smile, nod or A:Hi B:Hi, how are you? A:Good, and you? B:Good, thanks. I think this is fairly common in languages, that words are used in a way that from their literal meanings you wouldn't expect. Idioms of course, but I think in other ways as well.

sixbrx 11y ago
Yeah a lot of us do it even if we find it awkward, because we feel it's better than seeming cold and smug. It's also kindof an invitation I guess for real talk in case the other party really has something ready to chew on with you. It reminds me of the Dilbert where he's telling Catbert how he was confronted with passing someone he barely knows for the second time in a hallway, where he already gave the empty "hey how's it going" the first time not long before. Catbert asks what he did, he says he pulled the fire alarm, because he couldn't think of anything else ("I doubt Mrs. Manners will back you up on that one"). I feel that way sometimes too :)
- deleted 11y ago
  [deleted]
- throwaway999777 11y ago
  > Yeah a lot of us do it even if we find it awkward, because we feel it's better than seeming cold and smug. In what universe is a simple greeting cold and smug?
  - 11y ago

rokhayakebe 11y ago

Sometimes it is just a way to tell the other person "I acknowledge your presence." I prefer a smile and/or a nod, a wink.

ashwinaj 11y ago

Yup, this kinda confused me too, but I got used to it and I started doing it too. Now I only say "hi", because I think it's disingenuous to ask someone "how they're doing" when in reality I don't really care. So if I do ask someone "how they're doing" it's a genuine question.

vijayr 11y ago

This totally bothered me too, at the beginning. Took me a few weeks to understand that "Hi, how are you" is the American equivalent of "Hey", "Hello", "Good Morning" etc from other countries/culture. It seems rude, but it is just a habit than being intentionally rude. It sure is confusing to foreigners when we move here. But yeah, it would be nice to just say Hi.

wflann 11y ago

Try a response of "Hey, how's it going?" or something similar. I think it works fairly well. If the person actually wants to talk, you can get them started. If they don't, then you don't feel like a schmuck if you gave a real answer that they didn't care about.