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> I have a bad habit of overexplaining or talking down to people in general, because it can be so hard to guess what people do and don't know, at least until yo
by err4nt 11y ago
> I have a bad habit of overexplaining or talking down to people in general, because it can be so hard to guess what people do and don't know, at least until you've spent significant time interacting. If I do this to a woman, she may perceive bias when I would likely have talked down to her even if she were male (which is still not okay).
As a male front-end web developer (who uses 5 operating systems daily, runs his own web server, scripts his own shell functions for linux, and outputs hundreds of lines of code and markup each week) I get talked down to by most infosec and IT people at my shared office. Even when you explain that you're more comfortable on a Linux CLI than the desktop, they still feel the need to patronize you and use metaphors for everything to avoid using any technical terms in conversation at all.
I realize some people are just like that; it's a self-importance issue on their end, not a self-esteem issue on mine. I just let it roll off, but if I had the nagging suspicion it was because of my gender/age/race/height/etc I could be sitting here feeling victimized over nothing.
- kaitai 11y agoThat's one of the creepy, energy-intensive things about being in a group that has historically experienced stereotyping. You wonder, Did I get that because I am a .... or because he's just that way? It's hard to discard the thought, and it takes up processing power while running in the background of your brain. You might argue it's best to just get good at meditation and non-attachment and not even think about it, and that's true to a large extent, but sometimes those signals indicate a real problem person who you'd be better off steering around. I suppose you can flip this around, too: a few guys commenting seem rather angry that their helpful well-meaning attention to women staring into the distance at hackerspaces is not appreciated, and they might consider that the women in question have their own issues and it's not necessarily the guy's problem. So, you see a woman who you assume needs help and it turns out you're wrong -- she's just thinking, or she's happy being stuck because that is part of the fun -- then you say, "Ok, see you around!", stop talking, and leave her to it. It's not your problem that she doesn't want your help. Don't take it personally.
- err4nt 11y ago>Did I get that because I am a .... That's why I can't imagine the labyrinth of doubt that you would walk being a minority hired in an organization that practiced Affirmative Action. No matter the reason you got hired, you and your peers would always wonder…