4 ms·

I guess it's because I am an European and the culture is really different in the US, but I find this article really... exotic. Are the so-called "mixed-collar

I guess it's because I am an European and the culture is really different in the US, but I find this article really... exotic. Are the so-called "mixed-collar marriages" that uncommon in the US? Here it's a rather normal thing. It's true that many graduates end up with other graduates because they meet at university or at work, but I know a lot of those "mixed-collar marriages" and almost no one I know, except for one or two gold-diggers, thinks that people with more or less studies than them are outside their dating pool. Also, the concept that women invariably want long-term relationships and marriages while men want to hook up is something that I associate with past generations. At least here, now it tends to be the opposite. In the vast majority of young couples I know, it's the man who wants to get serious and pushes for more commitment (living together, marriage and so on); while the woman wants to be free and keep things more informal...

dogma1138 11y ago
I don't know in which Europe you live but "mixed-collar" isn't any more common here. Firstly the "mixed-collar" marriages in the article refer to educated vs uneducated individuals, lower classes especially in the US are much less likely to achieve college or higher education, in Europe with few exceptions (cough UK cough) it's not an issue. But in Europe it's going to be just the same the chances of some one with say graduate or doctoral degree being in a long term relationship some one without a similar degree is fairly low. People meet at school at in work, they usually have social interactions with their peers, and most importantly educated people prefer to date other educated people because they are more likely to share interests, world views, and could hold a conversation with each other. And as far as true "collar" difference goes than you need only too look at old money families all those "new age aristocrats" while they might "sleep around with the help" they usually don't mix with others especially in countries where familial history is very important like the UK.
usrusr 11y ago
I'm german and I see the "no mixed collar marriages" idea everywhere. It's rare enough to see low-status academic (engineer, teacher) husband / high status academic (law, medicine) wife, even though it certainly happens. The opposite direction is certainly perfectly normal. The perceived push for stability from the make partner is probably strongly related to traditional gender roles (at least here in Germany, a crazy stronghold of the housewife idea), which make the female partner correctly or indirectly, consciously or subconsciously fear that she could lose her career in the process, while the male partner would at most risk money and a few years.
- dogma1138 11y ago
  Both of them are educated and it's hard to claim that engineering is a lower status than law for example. In the US "lower classes" won't have any higher education or a community/city college degree at best it is completely different due to the cost of education.
- mcv 11y ago
  Engineer counts as low-status in Germany? That's certainly not something I would have expected. But from what I understand, Germans are a lot more status-conscious than the surrounding countries, with more hierarchy, people often expecting to be addressed by their titles, bosses not wanting to be addressed by their first name, etc. But I'm Dutch, and I know several men who work in construction, who are married to university-educated women. I don't know what degree my brother-in-law has, but he hasn't been to university, unlike my sister (though I wouldn't call him less educated; he educates himself). And since I never graduated, I'm technically also married to a woman with a higher degree (though her degree is lower than the one I would have had if I'd continued, so I consider myself higher educated than her until she gets that MBA). So I'd say it's fairly common here.
  - mettamage 11y ago
    I'm Dutch as well and I have similar observations as mcv -- I live in the randstad region (concurbation of Amsterdam, The Hague, Rotterdam and Utrecht). Friends who work in construction having kids women with a higher education. I noticed that when I was in the dating scene, I didn't particularly care what the education of someone else was. However, I do notice that I have more in common with higher educated women since they have a higher tolerance for my geeky side, on average.
  - usrusr 11y ago
    Engineers go to work dressed like bums and chances are that their boss isn't an engineer (implying a stagnant career, which easily explains the lack of ties). They are the working class of university graduates, low status indeed.
    - 11y ago
cafard 11y ago
In my neighborhood there is a carpenter married to a pediatrician, but I have a hard time coming up with more examples. Degrees don't seem to me to mean that much here (the US), unless one knows the school and sometimes the program. Having said that, there is a profound snobbery one finds here and there against the degree-less. I have been out of the dating market for almost three decades, so I can't tell you. A friend did say that young women he knew regarded marriage as a system of control they didn't care for; but he is my age and I don't know how big his sample is.
mcv 11y ago
Europe is a big place. The above may be more true in northern Europe than in southern Europe, I suspect. With many exceptions. Though I certainly recognize this.

dogma1138 11y ago

I don't know in which Europe you live but "mixed-collar" isn't any more common here. Firstly the "mixed-collar" marriages in the article refer to educated vs uneducated individuals, lower classes especially in the US are much less likely to achieve college or higher education, in Europe with few exceptions (cough UK cough) it's not an issue. But in Europe it's going to be just the same the chances of some one with say graduate or doctoral degree being in a long term relationship some one without a similar degree is fairly low. People meet at school at in work, they usually have social interactions with their peers, and most importantly educated people prefer to date other educated people because they are more likely to share interests, world views, and could hold a conversation with each other. And as far as true "collar" difference goes than you need only too look at old money families all those "new age aristocrats" while they might "sleep around with the help" they usually don't mix with others especially in countries where familial history is very important like the UK.

usrusr 11y ago

I'm german and I see the "no mixed collar marriages" idea everywhere. It's rare enough to see low-status academic (engineer, teacher) husband / high status academic (law, medicine) wife, even though it certainly happens. The opposite direction is certainly perfectly normal. The perceived push for stability from the make partner is probably strongly related to traditional gender roles (at least here in Germany, a crazy stronghold of the housewife idea), which make the female partner correctly or indirectly, consciously or subconsciously fear that she could lose her career in the process, while the male partner would at most risk money and a few years.

dogma1138 11y ago
Both of them are educated and it's hard to claim that engineering is a lower status than law for example. In the US "lower classes" won't have any higher education or a community/city college degree at best it is completely different due to the cost of education.
mcv 11y ago
Engineer counts as low-status in Germany? That's certainly not something I would have expected. But from what I understand, Germans are a lot more status-conscious than the surrounding countries, with more hierarchy, people often expecting to be addressed by their titles, bosses not wanting to be addressed by their first name, etc. But I'm Dutch, and I know several men who work in construction, who are married to university-educated women. I don't know what degree my brother-in-law has, but he hasn't been to university, unlike my sister (though I wouldn't call him less educated; he educates himself). And since I never graduated, I'm technically also married to a woman with a higher degree (though her degree is lower than the one I would have had if I'd continued, so I consider myself higher educated than her until she gets that MBA). So I'd say it's fairly common here.
- mettamage 11y ago
  I'm Dutch as well and I have similar observations as mcv -- I live in the randstad region (concurbation of Amsterdam, The Hague, Rotterdam and Utrecht). Friends who work in construction having kids women with a higher education. I noticed that when I was in the dating scene, I didn't particularly care what the education of someone else was. However, I do notice that I have more in common with higher educated women since they have a higher tolerance for my geeky side, on average.
- usrusr 11y ago
  Engineers go to work dressed like bums and chances are that their boss isn't an engineer (implying a stagnant career, which easily explains the lack of ties). They are the working class of university graduates, low status indeed.
  - 11y ago

cafard 11y ago

In my neighborhood there is a carpenter married to a pediatrician, but I have a hard time coming up with more examples. Degrees don't seem to me to mean that much here (the US), unless one knows the school and sometimes the program. Having said that, there is a profound snobbery one finds here and there against the degree-less. I have been out of the dating market for almost three decades, so I can't tell you. A friend did say that young women he knew regarded marriage as a system of control they didn't care for; but he is my age and I don't know how big his sample is.

mcv 11y ago

Europe is a big place. The above may be more true in northern Europe than in southern Europe, I suspect. With many exceptions. Though I certainly recognize this.