Just goes to show this Nicholas Nickleby person couldn't write their way out of a wet cardboard box if their life figuratively depended on it--and by figurative

Just goes to show this Nicholas Nickleby person couldn't write their way out of a wet cardboard box if their life figuratively depended on it--and by figuratively I mean literally, except more intense. (try and disagree with me, some of my words mean the opposite of what I intend)