52 ms·

I care about cheating because it tells me that the person is OK with lying to people close to them. If they're OK lying to their spouse, my concern is that the

by Frondo 11y ago

I care about cheating because it tells me that the person is OK with lying to people close to them. If they're OK lying to their spouse, my concern is that they're also OK lying to a customer. If people want to have an open marriage or practice polyamory, fine, that's entirely up to them. The deception is the thing here that is problematic.

drzaiusapelord 11y ago
What about closeted gays and others who are forced to be deceptive? I lie about my religious views because you can't be an atheist where I'm at. etc, etc. There's so much white-lying going on that its ridiculous to hold it up to some standard or pretend it means anything. >my concern is that they're also OK lying to a customer. This is ridiculous. Do you really think the CEO's sex life translates directly to the product? Do you even understand what a CEO does?
- Frondo 11y ago
  I think very few people would consider cheating on one's spouse or partner to be a form of white lying. I also do business with a lot more people where I'm doing business with the owner themselves. If I'm looking someone in the eye and shaking their hand to do a deal, and then they turn around and lie to their spouse (someone they ostensibly owe a lot more to than me), that's hard for me to reconcile. Maybe you don't care, and that's fine. I do. I find it hard to trust people who cheat. Why would I be treated differently or better than a spouse? (Again, open marriage/polyamory/whatever is a different story.)
  - drzaiusapelord 11y ago
    All the CEOs I'd consider "evil" have been faithful from what I can tell. You're making an argument you can't support for reasons that seem 100% emotionally hysterical to me. "Look at other women?! I'm not buying his product!" This is no different than "A Hindu running a company? No thank you sir! I only go with good honest Christian men!" In a large company the CEO does little more than attract investor money and recruit senior leadership, if that. The idea that his sex lies are going directly in your software is hilariously puritanical.
    - Frondo 11y ago
      I do not find people who cheat on their spouses or partners trustworthy. That is my argument. You can feel differently. Calling my argument hysterical or unsupported makes me think you don't know what those words mean.
stcredzero 11y ago
I care about cheating because it tells me that the person is OK with lying to people close to them. Then you should care about marijuana users and people in repressive regimes who import contraband media and news for in the same way for the same reasons.
- Frondo 11y ago
  I don't have to, actually. People who enter into monogamous relationships can get one set of "this is what counts as honesty" rules w.r.t. what they owe their spouses (i.e. don't cheat). People who are born into and live in repressive regimes can get a different set of "this is what counts as honesty" (i.e. some law is unjust and therefore can be broken). Funnily enough, though, sometimes I do hear of people breaking laws that makes me think they're less trustworthy, too. Like a guy I know who wants to try and get a handicapped parking placard even though he isn't handicapped. You know, those spots are supposed to be for people who really can't walk that far, and he wants to try and grab one because of the convenience. That's a trivial example, and dumb, but when I hear that I think, there's a guy who wants to rip off the system in a small way, but one that could hurt people who actually need it. So it's not like "here is one conception of honesty that I have to apply everywhere, mechanically and without human reasoning." Human life is more nuanced than that.
betenoire 11y ago
And how do you know which is which? If you see a name that you recognize that used AM, do you ask them to clarify which bucket they belong in, or do you just assign them one yourself?
- Frondo 11y ago
  The site, as far as I know, bills itself as a place to find cheating partners. The poly people I know seem to have their own places for finding potential relationship partners. The poly people I know are also all quite open about their relationship choices. If I saw a name I recognized on Ashley Madison, I'd assume they wanted to cheat and keep that hidden from their partners.
  - betenoire 11y ago
    And that's my point. You get to pick how you judge them, and you do. You don't hire cheaters, I don't hire judgers. To each his own.

by Frondo 11y ago

drzaiusapelord 11y ago

What about closeted gays and others who are forced to be deceptive? I lie about my religious views because you can't be an atheist where I'm at. etc, etc. There's so much white-lying going on that its ridiculous to hold it up to some standard or pretend it means anything. >my concern is that they're also OK lying to a customer. This is ridiculous. Do you really think the CEO's sex life translates directly to the product? Do you even understand what a CEO does?

Frondo 11y ago
I think very few people would consider cheating on one's spouse or partner to be a form of white lying. I also do business with a lot more people where I'm doing business with the owner themselves. If I'm looking someone in the eye and shaking their hand to do a deal, and then they turn around and lie to their spouse (someone they ostensibly owe a lot more to than me), that's hard for me to reconcile. Maybe you don't care, and that's fine. I do. I find it hard to trust people who cheat. Why would I be treated differently or better than a spouse? (Again, open marriage/polyamory/whatever is a different story.)
- drzaiusapelord 11y ago
  All the CEOs I'd consider "evil" have been faithful from what I can tell. You're making an argument you can't support for reasons that seem 100% emotionally hysterical to me. "Look at other women?! I'm not buying his product!" This is no different than "A Hindu running a company? No thank you sir! I only go with good honest Christian men!" In a large company the CEO does little more than attract investor money and recruit senior leadership, if that. The idea that his sex lies are going directly in your software is hilariously puritanical.
  - Frondo 11y ago
    I do not find people who cheat on their spouses or partners trustworthy. That is my argument. You can feel differently. Calling my argument hysterical or unsupported makes me think you don't know what those words mean.

stcredzero 11y ago

I care about cheating because it tells me that the person is OK with lying to people close to them. Then you should care about marijuana users and people in repressive regimes who import contraband media and news for in the same way for the same reasons.

Frondo 11y ago
I don't have to, actually. People who enter into monogamous relationships can get one set of "this is what counts as honesty" rules w.r.t. what they owe their spouses (i.e. don't cheat). People who are born into and live in repressive regimes can get a different set of "this is what counts as honesty" (i.e. some law is unjust and therefore can be broken). Funnily enough, though, sometimes I do hear of people breaking laws that makes me think they're less trustworthy, too. Like a guy I know who wants to try and get a handicapped parking placard even though he isn't handicapped. You know, those spots are supposed to be for people who really can't walk that far, and he wants to try and grab one because of the convenience. That's a trivial example, and dumb, but when I hear that I think, there's a guy who wants to rip off the system in a small way, but one that could hurt people who actually need it. So it's not like "here is one conception of honesty that I have to apply everywhere, mechanically and without human reasoning." Human life is more nuanced than that.

betenoire 11y ago

And how do you know which is which? If you see a name that you recognize that used AM, do you ask them to clarify which bucket they belong in, or do you just assign them one yourself?

Frondo 11y ago
The site, as far as I know, bills itself as a place to find cheating partners. The poly people I know seem to have their own places for finding potential relationship partners. The poly people I know are also all quite open about their relationship choices. If I saw a name I recognized on Ashley Madison, I'd assume they wanted to cheat and keep that hidden from their partners.
- betenoire 11y ago
  And that's my point. You get to pick how you judge them, and you do. You don't hire cheaters, I don't hire judgers. To each his own.