3 ms·
sounds a lot like we sour on the "pure" happiness of merely providing for our own selfish needs, then have children, a deliberate hardship, to satisfy our "un-s
by Aqueous 11y ago
sounds a lot like we sour on the "pure" happiness of merely providing for our own selfish needs, then have children, a deliberate hardship, to satisfy our "un-selfish" need for meaning. this is pointed out by the article's scientific sourcing. but - devil's advocate here - isn't having children also fundamentally selfish? (says person in a quite possibly crowded room of parents)
- rifung 11y agoI think having children may be fundamentally selfish, but not raising children.
- deleted 11y ago[deleted]
- TeMPOraL 11y agoI'll add to this that raising children can be selfish as well if you overdo it and apply "Hollywood morality" in your life - i.e. "they hurt my child, so I'll hurt hundreds or even thousands of people to get my revenge on the one who did it to my child, and it's OK and I am a good person". That is, doing things for your own benefit at the expense of everyone else around is selfish, but I believe so is doing things for your loved ones at the expense of the society at large. Call it recursive selfishness, or sth.
- koonsolo 11y agoIt might start out as selfish. But once you have them, their life matters more to you than your own.
- ionised 11y agoBut that's just instinct isn't it? You can't really control how you feel about your children once they are born. It's not like you are making a deliberate, conscious decision to value their life over your own. That decision has already been made for you by your biology.
- epalmer 11y agoTo some extend I think you can control how you feel about them and parenting. There are days that just go on and on with parenting. Sick kids, crying,, whatever. You can choose to let that get to you or just solder on. That is a choice. I know parents that think of parenting as jail for 18 years. I think of it as a gift to me to help shape their lives.
- tripzilch 11y agoWell it may be instinct, but I also happen to agree with that instinct. I believe I have free will at least in the sense that I can choose whether to follow my instincts or fight them. Remember, we have many instincts other than caring for our children, and a bunch of those aren't really meaningful in today's society anymore, and a few of those actually need to be fought, and the majority of well-adapted people succeed at that just fine, because they choose to. There are other instincts we do not fight, because they align nicely with our sense of what is "good" and what is "right" (which I believe is not based on instinct), and in cases like raising children they even aid us and strengthen our resolve. Sounds like a win to me. (not a parent, btw).