4 ms·

It is no longer possible to be polite.

15 points by blasdel 17y ago

pwnstigator 17y ago
I think it comes down more to tone of voice than the words themselves. Most people (including myself, often) have a strong verbal sense of politeness but are piss-poor when it comes to keeping the right tone of voice. Thus, "excuse me" gets a negative connotation because it's so often said with a noxious tone of voice. On the other hand, people who are swearing are usually kidding around and know each other pretty well, so a phrase like "get the fuck out of here" is often what people say when they're joking.
camccann 17y ago
This seems to be describing the inevitable end result of confusing mere words with the intent behind them. Mistaking superficially "polite" language for actually showing respect to others will of course lead to those who most lack the latter taking cover behind thorough use of the former. I think most of us have met people who are incredibly uptight about "profanity" but never hesitate to be rude or inconsiderate.
eof 17y ago
More true to say 'it is no longer possible to say polite things.'
- sabat 17y ago
  Black-and-white fallacy, isn't all this? Because people can use polite words to suggest less-than-polite things doesn't automatically mean you can't be polite. Your intentions will come through, regardless of the actual words you employ.
  - eof 17y ago
    You're right as well. Perhaps 'more true' wasn't sufficient. I basically was trying to express your same sentiment that politeness wasn't contained in the words used, while granting the author's assumption that words traditionally intended to be polite had been co-opted and therefore couldn't be unambiguously used to convey politeness by themselves.
smokey_the_bear 17y ago
Is anyone else getting a huge best buy video ad overlayed on the content? The close the ad button doesn't work, and I'm on a relatively slow connection, so it seems like I'd have to wait awhile for the whole video to load, and then watch it, to read the story.
- alex_c 17y ago
  Nope, cause of Flashblock: https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/433 https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/433 What I get instead is the outline for the Flash ad and a transparent gray lightbox background which at least lets me read the text behind the ad... but still with no way to close the ad.
  - viraptor 17y ago
    Noscript doesn't even allow the frame to open. Either that or adblock... There's a nightmare I have that one day I will have to use the internet without them - and everything will be covered with ads.
- eof 17y ago
  i also use adblock with firefox. i am on an online dating site that says 'paid users don't see ads' and i smile, because i don't see ads or pay.
manvsmachine 17y ago
This reminds me of what I tell people when they chastise me for my (sometimes copious) use of profanity: "I'm concerned about what what I say, not particularly how I say it."
megaduck 17y ago
I have to disagree. While it is definitely possible to use the language of politeness in an offensive manner, there is still a place in the world for "please" and "thank you", so long as they are sincerely offered. I do agree with the OP that insincere politeness may do more harm than good. However, I believe that our words usually reflect our true thoughts and intentions. If you never say 'thank you' or 'I'm sorry', then I'm forced to conclude that you rarely feel grateful or regretful for inconveniencing others. Politeness isn't simple verbal formalities, it's a way of thinking that influences all our human interactions. The words of politeness should follow from sincere feelings. It's never been easy, and may indeed be getting harder. However, to my mind, that makes politeness even more critical than ever before.
swolchok 17y ago
"May I help you?" is definitely less hostile than GTFO. I just recently used it on a group of people who turned out to have a legitimate request. I didn't trust them enough to let them fulfill their request by themselves, so I did in fact help them out.
pmichaud 17y ago
I agree with part of what he's saying -- for some reason I've always had a problem with the word "sir." It struck me that people use the word Sir when they are artificially supplicating, or feining respect like "You, sir, are an idiot," or saying Sir to a cop at a traffic stop. I always thought that was particularly DISrespectful, and my policy to show respect by being forthright with people and speaking respectfully, instead of signally respect where there is none.
- ax0n 17y ago
  I agree. I always address LEOs at traffic stops as "Officer". Of some 15+ traffic stops in my years of driving, I've only landed three tickets. "Sir" just seems like it's begging for trouble.
- foulmouthboy 17y ago
  In the South, using "sir" and "ma'am" is par for the course. When I lived there, it took some getting used to, particularly because I couldn't help thinking how false it would sound back in California.

15 points by blasdel 17y ago

I think it comes down more to tone of voice than the words themselves. Most people (including myself, often) have a strong verbal sense of politeness but are piss-poor when it comes to keeping the right tone of voice. Thus, "excuse me" gets a negative connotation because it's so often said with a noxious tone of voice. On the other hand, people who are swearing are usually kidding around and know each other pretty well, so a phrase like "get the fuck out of here" is often what people say when they're joking.

camccann 17y ago

This seems to be describing the inevitable end result of confusing mere words with the intent behind them. Mistaking superficially "polite" language for actually showing respect to others will of course lead to those who most lack the latter taking cover behind thorough use of the former. I think most of us have met people who are incredibly uptight about "profanity" but never hesitate to be rude or inconsiderate.

eof 17y ago

More true to say 'it is no longer possible to say polite things.'

sabat 17y ago
Black-and-white fallacy, isn't all this? Because people can use polite words to suggest less-than-polite things doesn't automatically mean you can't be polite. Your intentions will come through, regardless of the actual words you employ.
- eof 17y ago
  You're right as well. Perhaps 'more true' wasn't sufficient. I basically was trying to express your same sentiment that politeness wasn't contained in the words used, while granting the author's assumption that words traditionally intended to be polite had been co-opted and therefore couldn't be unambiguously used to convey politeness by themselves.

smokey_the_bear 17y ago

Is anyone else getting a huge best buy video ad overlayed on the content? The close the ad button doesn't work, and I'm on a relatively slow connection, so it seems like I'd have to wait awhile for the whole video to load, and then watch it, to read the story.

alex_c 17y ago
Nope, cause of Flashblock: https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/433 https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/433 What I get instead is the outline for the Flash ad and a transparent gray lightbox background which at least lets me read the text behind the ad... but still with no way to close the ad.
- viraptor 17y ago
  Noscript doesn't even allow the frame to open. Either that or adblock... There's a nightmare I have that one day I will have to use the internet without them - and everything will be covered with ads.
eof 17y ago
i also use adblock with firefox. i am on an online dating site that says 'paid users don't see ads' and i smile, because i don't see ads or pay.

manvsmachine 17y ago

This reminds me of what I tell people when they chastise me for my (sometimes copious) use of profanity: "I'm concerned about what what I say, not particularly how I say it."

megaduck 17y ago

I have to disagree. While it is definitely possible to use the language of politeness in an offensive manner, there is still a place in the world for "please" and "thank you", so long as they are sincerely offered. I do agree with the OP that insincere politeness may do more harm than good. However, I believe that our words usually reflect our true thoughts and intentions. If you never say 'thank you' or 'I'm sorry', then I'm forced to conclude that you rarely feel grateful or regretful for inconveniencing others. Politeness isn't simple verbal formalities, it's a way of thinking that influences all our human interactions. The words of politeness should follow from sincere feelings. It's never been easy, and may indeed be getting harder. However, to my mind, that makes politeness even more critical than ever before.

swolchok 17y ago

"May I help you?" is definitely less hostile than GTFO. I just recently used it on a group of people who turned out to have a legitimate request. I didn't trust them enough to let them fulfill their request by themselves, so I did in fact help them out.

pmichaud 17y ago

I agree with part of what he's saying -- for some reason I've always had a problem with the word "sir." It struck me that people use the word Sir when they are artificially supplicating, or feining respect like "You, sir, are an idiot," or saying Sir to a cop at a traffic stop. I always thought that was particularly DISrespectful, and my policy to show respect by being forthright with people and speaking respectfully, instead of signally respect where there is none.

ax0n 17y ago
I agree. I always address LEOs at traffic stops as "Officer". Of some 15+ traffic stops in my years of driving, I've only landed three tickets. "Sir" just seems like it's begging for trouble.
foulmouthboy 17y ago
In the South, using "sir" and "ma'am" is par for the course. When I lived there, it took some getting used to, particularly because I couldn't help thinking how false it would sound back in California.