5 ms·

Do you have a link or book about this to share for a new parent?

aidenn0 11y ago
Most of my research has been for dealing with kids that have trauma backgrounds, and there are different things you do there. I will say that I've found the Love & Logic series less terrible than most of the mainstream stuff, and you'll likely be able to find a local class, which (assuming you're not a single parent) can be huge on getting you on the same page with your significant-other. That made a big difference for me, as my wife and I were raised very differently. A few snippets of advice: * Operant Conditioning[2] works both ways: your child's behavior will affect you, and you will subconsciously avoid things that are distressing to you. Not taking this into account can cause a lot of problems. * One thing at a time. e.g. don't potty train and teach table manners at the same time. Partly because it's harder on the kids, but mainly to prevent burnout for the parents. * Focus primarily on having a positive relationship (versus a lot of training & discipline) with kids under about 2. It seems likely that Martha Sears[1] went overboard, but there is definitely some phenomena like "attachment." (Also, Attachment Parenting, Attachment therapy and Attachment-based therapy are all different things, and the terminology is not always agreed upon) 1: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_parenting https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_parenting 2: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operant_conditioning https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operant_conditioning
- danieltillett 11y ago
  Yes children are experts at manipulating their parents. When you think about it they are on average as smart as their parents, but they have the advantage that their full time job is getting their parent to do what they want. Parents really don’t stand a chance.
  - bitJericho 11y ago
    Parents ar so much more experienced though. Reverse psychology works well even into the early teen years. How many parents fall for blatant reverse psychology. That's just one example of many techniques. Others include conditioning, reinforcement, outright education.
    - danieltillett 11y ago
      Not until you have a few :) Most parents start out not really knowing much about the day to day details of being a parent. Your children learn really quickly how to achieve their aims. As a parent the thing you do learn is to choose your battles. This is the cause of the eldest's lament that their parents were so much stricter with them than their younger siblings.
      - bitJericho 11y ago
        I've had a few ;) My kids can outsmart me sure, but I outsmart them much more easily than they, me.
        danieltillett 11y ago
        I wish I could say the same - this is probably a positive assuming I am not an idiot.
        bitJericho 11y ago
        Well as I said, they do get me sometimes and they certainly do try very hard lol

Most of my research has been for dealing with kids that have trauma backgrounds, and there are different things you do there. I will say that I've found the Love & Logic series less terrible than most of the mainstream stuff, and you'll likely be able to find a local class, which (assuming you're not a single parent) can be huge on getting you on the same page with your significant-other. That made a big difference for me, as my wife and I were raised very differently. A few snippets of advice: * Operant Conditioning[2] works both ways: your child's behavior will affect you, and you will subconsciously avoid things that are distressing to you. Not taking this into account can cause a lot of problems. * One thing at a time. e.g. don't potty train and teach table manners at the same time. Partly because it's harder on the kids, but mainly to prevent burnout for the parents. * Focus primarily on having a positive relationship (versus a lot of training & discipline) with kids under about 2. It seems likely that Martha Sears[1] went overboard, but there is definitely some phenomena like "attachment." (Also, Attachment Parenting, Attachment therapy and Attachment-based therapy are all different things, and the terminology is not always agreed upon) 1: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_parenting https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_parenting 2: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operant_conditioning https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operant_conditioning

danieltillett 11y ago
Yes children are experts at manipulating their parents. When you think about it they are on average as smart as their parents, but they have the advantage that their full time job is getting their parent to do what they want. Parents really don’t stand a chance.
- bitJericho 11y ago
  Parents ar so much more experienced though. Reverse psychology works well even into the early teen years. How many parents fall for blatant reverse psychology. That's just one example of many techniques. Others include conditioning, reinforcement, outright education.
  - danieltillett 11y ago
    Not until you have a few :) Most parents start out not really knowing much about the day to day details of being a parent. Your children learn really quickly how to achieve their aims. As a parent the thing you do learn is to choose your battles. This is the cause of the eldest's lament that their parents were so much stricter with them than their younger siblings.
    - bitJericho 11y ago
      I've had a few ;) My kids can outsmart me sure, but I outsmart them much more easily than they, me.
      - danieltillett 11y ago
        I wish I could say the same - this is probably a positive assuming I am not an idiot.
        bitJericho 11y ago
        Well as I said, they do get me sometimes and they certainly do try very hard lol