Thank you for your thoughts, they are helping. You are right again, it's a self fulfilling prophecy - the more you dwell on it, the more pointless the whole th

Thank you for your thoughts, they are helping. You are right again, it's a self fulfilling prophecy - the more you dwell on it, the more pointless the whole thing becomes. But as sebkomianos said, it's like a vicious circle: In order to engage and find meaning I need to find meaning so I get inspired to engage. The solution is, I guess, to pretend for a while and just do something and then it will start making sense again. I'm doing that, trying to produce sparks to ignite the fire, I'm almost there....