4 ms·

For me, the problem is that the microaggressions that I've dealt with tend to be crude attempts to understand what it means to be transgender like asking for my

For me, the problem is that the microaggressions that I've dealt with tend to be crude attempts to understand what it means to be transgender like asking for my old name, if I had a boyfriend or girlfriend before transitioning, and so forth. Many of the people asking the questions weren't intending to be rude, but our society has deemed one's gender identity as an immutable fact of nature (which doesn't really fit the facts neither of biology nor psychology). So, people have some default assumptions about the condition of gender which puts them in an awkward position when asking those questions which can be offensive (I've learned to deal with the situation by asking questions back to them in a more Socratic/positive manner instead of being offended) for some people. I don't think it's too much to effort for schools and organizations to post information on what is and isn't a microaggression but I do think people who are the targets of microaggressions ought to consider a more proactive approach to correcting such social missteps.

tomp 11y ago
> hat it means to be transgender like asking for my old name, if I had a boyfriend or girlfriend before transitioning, and so forth > our society has deemed one's gender identity as an immutable fact of nature Did it ever occur to you that these people were simply curious about your experience in life because it was so much unlike their own?
- AnimalMuppet 11y ago
  > Many of the people asking the questions weren't intending to be rude... But norea-armozel still classified them as microaggressions. I think that's a problem. If even ordinary, naive curiosity, without intent to be rude, is classified as aggression, well... you're going to be on the receiving end of a lot of it, then. Hopefully only once per person, because once you make it clear that you find the questions (even asked without malice) to be hurtful, then they shouldn't ask a second time. But that's probably a step you're going to have to take with a fairly large number of individuals. Maybe the problem is not with ordinary human curiosity. Maybe the problem is that you're classifying ordinary curiosity as aggression. Does it really harm you (cause you actual emotional pain/harm) if people are curious about your experience?
  - norea-armozel 11y ago
    Some things are just not open for discussion. Whatever I was before transition isn't who I am now. I think it's best to focus on who I am and not what people think I was. My identity is fairly simple to comprehend. Dead naming as it's called (when using or asking for a transgender person's previous legal name) isn't something you should do once you're informed that it's rude and dehumanizing (because the question itself assumes someone's name isn't their own in the first place).
    - tomp 11y ago
      Well, you simply have different assumptions than some (most?) of us. For me, "man" and "woman" mean biological sex, not gender. Also, for me, a "name" is about the least personal thing about myself - it's what others call me, so it's inherently a cultural thing that depends on the social contract. For example, if you change your name without a good reason, most people would simply assume you're trying to run away from your past or avoid justice.
      - norea-armozel 11y ago
        >Well, you simply have different assumptions than some (most?) of us. For me, "man" and "woman" mean biological sex, not gender Um no, my view isn't an assumption. Gender isn't sex. People don't call a boy a man or a girl a woman. Maybe US western culture assumes sex = gender but the rest of the world has some form of distinction from sex (biological) and gender (social). >Also, for me, a "name" is about the least personal thing about myself - it's what others call me, so it's inherently a cultural thing that depends on the social contract. For example, if you change your name without a good reason, most people would simply assume you're trying to run away from your past or avoid justice. In our US western culture a name is a name whether given or self-attributed. No one demands Prince or Madonna to give their legal names. We know them by those names in terms of their public actions. If I greet myself as Veronica it's safe to assume that is my name. It doesn't require a background check in a social setting like a party or a meetup. It's not like I'm looking to get a security clearance. Also, there's no such thing as a good reason to change one's name. You just change it for your reasons. The good and bad about it is merely a subjective valuation of the act of the change. It has no bearing in terms of the character of the person. If you can't just accept my name is Veronica upon first meeting then maybe you're just a jerk?

tomp 11y ago

> hat it means to be transgender like asking for my old name, if I had a boyfriend or girlfriend before transitioning, and so forth > our society has deemed one's gender identity as an immutable fact of nature Did it ever occur to you that these people were simply curious about your experience in life because it was so much unlike their own?

AnimalMuppet 11y ago
> Many of the people asking the questions weren't intending to be rude... But norea-armozel still classified them as microaggressions. I think that's a problem. If even ordinary, naive curiosity, without intent to be rude, is classified as aggression, well... you're going to be on the receiving end of a lot of it, then. Hopefully only once per person, because once you make it clear that you find the questions (even asked without malice) to be hurtful, then they shouldn't ask a second time. But that's probably a step you're going to have to take with a fairly large number of individuals. Maybe the problem is not with ordinary human curiosity. Maybe the problem is that you're classifying ordinary curiosity as aggression. Does it really harm you (cause you actual emotional pain/harm) if people are curious about your experience?
- norea-armozel 11y ago
  Some things are just not open for discussion. Whatever I was before transition isn't who I am now. I think it's best to focus on who I am and not what people think I was. My identity is fairly simple to comprehend. Dead naming as it's called (when using or asking for a transgender person's previous legal name) isn't something you should do once you're informed that it's rude and dehumanizing (because the question itself assumes someone's name isn't their own in the first place).
  - tomp 11y ago
    Well, you simply have different assumptions than some (most?) of us. For me, "man" and "woman" mean biological sex, not gender. Also, for me, a "name" is about the least personal thing about myself - it's what others call me, so it's inherently a cultural thing that depends on the social contract. For example, if you change your name without a good reason, most people would simply assume you're trying to run away from your past or avoid justice.
    - norea-armozel 11y ago
      >Well, you simply have different assumptions than some (most?) of us. For me, "man" and "woman" mean biological sex, not gender Um no, my view isn't an assumption. Gender isn't sex. People don't call a boy a man or a girl a woman. Maybe US western culture assumes sex = gender but the rest of the world has some form of distinction from sex (biological) and gender (social). >Also, for me, a "name" is about the least personal thing about myself - it's what others call me, so it's inherently a cultural thing that depends on the social contract. For example, if you change your name without a good reason, most people would simply assume you're trying to run away from your past or avoid justice. In our US western culture a name is a name whether given or self-attributed. No one demands Prince or Madonna to give their legal names. We know them by those names in terms of their public actions. If I greet myself as Veronica it's safe to assume that is my name. It doesn't require a background check in a social setting like a party or a meetup. It's not like I'm looking to get a security clearance. Also, there's no such thing as a good reason to change one's name. You just change it for your reasons. The good and bad about it is merely a subjective valuation of the act of the change. It has no bearing in terms of the character of the person. If you can't just accept my name is Veronica upon first meeting then maybe you're just a jerk?