What's missing here is the most important factor of all, which isn't even directly tied to anger: the fight or flight response. Humans have a biological reacti

What's missing here is the most important factor of all, which isn't even directly tied to anger: the fight or flight response. Humans have a biological reaction to certain kinds of stress which triggers this response and the impact on the ability to interact well with other humans is disastrous. We need to understand this, learn how to spot it, and learn how to deal with it. When a person is in this state they are literally less intelligent and less rational than normal, by an enormous margin. This is by design, because the response is geared toward enabling you to survive a life or death threat. It gives you an edge by preparing you for the worst case scenario and encouraging you to give everything you've got. When you're sprinting away or wrestling with a leopard or some such these things matter. You can't afford to doubt what you're doing or to have second thoughts even for a moment. You are much better off fighting like a feral animal or running like a scared rabbit than intentionally deliberating what to do next, and that affects your survival chances a lot. But we don't live in those circumstances any more, yet getting in a heated argument at work, online, or with a significant other still triggers those same responses. But now they are harmful almost all of the time. This is precisely why there is so little rationality in a heated argument, because both sides "have their blood up", which means they are in the midst of experiencing the fight or flight response. Their body is forcing them to be irrational in the moment, and it just makes things worse. Recognize when this is happening to you, recognize the ways that it's common to trigger other people into this sort of thing (e.g. being excessively negative, mean, and confrontational rather than professional and kind) and adjust your communication style accordingly. Also, avoid making the mistake of continuing a heated argument while you are under the influence of fight or flight. Take a break, take a walk, come back to the subject later when you have the opportunity to be rational. Justified anger can actually have a positive effect if used well, but irrational, seething, mindless, feral anger will just spread irrationality and is generally unproductive or actively harmful. I would highly recommend everyone read a book called "Crucial Conversation" about precisely this subject and how to ensure that you not only communicate well and rationally to others but they feel safe doing so with you.